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Name the story
Emotions are the result of both what happens, and of the story you tell yourself about what happened.
- A victim story: it absolves you of your responsibility for what happened.
- A villain story: it exaggerates the faults of others and makes them responsible for what happened.
- A helpless story: it convinces you that any course of action is pointless.
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Find your primal story
Most people have habitual stories they tell in predictable circumstances as well.
Early life experiences that we perceived at the time to be threats to our safety and worth become encoded in our potent memories.
Reciting a specific script in moments of emotional provocation (e...
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890 reads
Own the emotion
You can’t change an emotion you don’t own.
Accept responsibility for its existence. Because an external event always precedes your experience of an emotion, it’s easy to assume that the event caused it. But as long as you believe it was externally caused, you are going to be a victi...
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Challenge the story
You can take control of your emotions by asking yourself questions that provoke you out of your victim, villain, and helpless stories.
For example, transform yourself from victim into an actor, by asking: "What am I pretending not to know about my role in this situation?”
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935 reads
Controlling your emotions
The ability to recognize, own, and shape your own emotions is the master skill for deepening intimacy with loved ones, magnifying influence in the workplace, and amplifying our ability to turn ideas into results.
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1.25K reads
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Challenge the story
You can take control of your emotions by asking yourself questions that provoke you out of your victim, villain, and helpless stories.
For example, transform yourself from victim into an actor, by asking: "What am I pretending not to know about my role in this situation?”
Tell a story
Instead of giving direct advice, tell a brief story about what happened to you or someone else that could shed light on your friend’s situation.
When it is not your fault
Regardless of what happens to you, be it a disease or a natural disaster, you are 100 percent responsible for how you choose to react.
The life-changing magic happens when you make the choice to respond positively. That is how you take personal responsibility when something completel...
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