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How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence ― 6 Essentials

Express Intimate Emotions

Sharing intimate feelings with someone in an appropriate relationship, in a manner that's nourishing and constructive, and being able to respond affirmatively when the other person does the same.

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How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence ― 6 Essentials

How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence ― 6 Essentials

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201410/how-increase-your-emotional-intelligence-6-essentials

psychologytoday.com

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Key Ideas

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence (EQ or EI) can be defined as the ability to understand, manage, and effectively express one's own feelings, as well as engage and navigate successfully with those of others.

EQ can evolve and increase with our desire to learn and grow.

Reduce Negative Emotions

... so they don't overwhelm you and affect your judgment. 

In order to change the way you feel about a situation, you must first change the way you think about it. 

Increased fear of rejection: “I’m applying for my dream job. I’ll be devastated if they don’t hire me.”
Decreased fear of rejection: “I’m applying for three exciting positions. If one doesn’t pan out, there are two more I’m well qualified for.”

Stay Cool and Manage Stress

How we handle stressful situations can make the difference between being assertive versus reactive, and poised versus frazzled. When under pressure, the most important thing to keep in mind is to keep our cool. 

  • If you feel nervous and anxious, put cold water on your face and get some fresh air. 
  • If you feel fearful, depressed, or discouraged, try intense aerobic exercises. Energize yourself. 

Express Difficult Emotions

One method to consider when needing to express difficult emotions is the XYZ technique - I feel X when you do Y in situation Z. 

Avoid using sentences that begin with "you" and followed by accusation or judgment, such as "you are...," "you should...," or "you need to... ." 

Stay Proactive, Not Reactive

  • When you feel angry and upset with someone, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten. In most circumstances, by the time you reach ten, you'll figure out a better way of communicating the issue.
  • Try to put yourself in the difficult individual’s shoes, even for just a moment. For example, consider the person you’re dealing with, and complete the sentence: “It must not be easy…. ”

Bounce Back from Adversity

With every challenging situation we encounter, ask questions such as “What is the lesson here?” 

Ask constructive questions based on learning and priorities, and we can gain the proper perspective to help us tackle the situation at hand. 

EXPLORE MORE AROUND THESE TOPICS:

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Emotional intelligence (EQ)

EQ is the ability to be able to recognize and regulate your own emotions, while also empathizing with others and maintaining an awareness of their reactions.

EQ can be developed with p...

Know thyself

Having a deep understanding of yourself provides you with more accurate perceptions of how you are coming across to others. 

To increase your self-awareness, make an effort to reflect on your strengths, developmental opportunities, triggers, values, and the like so that you are intimately familiar with what makes you tick. 

Be open to feedback and criticism

Weighing feedback can help you guard against blind spots. It can assist you in recognizing if your behaviors are having the effects you are intending.

If they aren't, you can adjust your actions or apologize accordingly (or mindfully choose not to do either).

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The 5 components of EI

  1. Self-Awareness: understanding of one’s emotions.
  2. Self-Regulation: it frees us from being prisoners of our feelings.
  3. Motivation: having an ...
There are 3 types of empathy
  • Emotional empathy: “You feel awful? Then I feel awful too!”
  • Cognitive empathy: “I understand that you are feeling awful. That must suck.”
  • Compassion: “You feel awful? I feel for you. How can I help?”

Compassion is what we focus on for emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence

It's the ability to accurately perceive your own and others’ emotions, to understand the signals that emotions send about relationships, and to manage your own and others’ emotions.

Use assertive communication

Assertive communication allows us to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions without judging or blaming other people.

Emotionally intelligent people know how to communicate ...

Respond instead of reacting

The emotionally intelligent person knows how to stay calm during stressful situations. 

They don't make impulsive decisions and understand that in times of conflict the goal is a resolution.

Utilize active listening skills

Emotionally intelligent people make sure they understand what is being said before responding. 

They also pay attention to the nonverbal details of a conversation. This prevents misunderstandings, allows the listener to respond properly and shows respect for the person they are speaking to.

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