Determine what you can control

The primary factor in resilience is having supportive relationships, inside and outside the family. 

Close friends, family and loved ones represent our social support; they encourage and motivate us, and let us know that we aren’t alone.

The way we view a potentially stressful situation can either make the crisis worse in our mind or minimize it. 

Reframing things in a more positive way can alter our perceptions and relieve our stressful feelings.

Self-destructive behaviors can become habits and can continually undermine your success and happiness.

Self-sabotage is when we want something, but somehow we never accomplish it, because somewhere deep in our subconscious we’re fighting against that goal:

• Our disorganization distracts us.
• We’re constantly overthinking all of our decisions.

• Procrastination. Start setting deadlines and mini-deadlines to work toward your objective.
• Negative self-talk/negative thinking. Be patient with yourself; be kind to yourself. Work to build yourself up.
• Perfectionism. It is an impossible standard that keeps you from moving forward.

When you are in a stressful situation, do not allow your mind to imagine the worst-case scenario. 

Focus your mind on something positive.

The "what if" line of questioning induces panic and lets you focus on imagined situations that escalate the problem.

Focus on the facts and work on a solution.

• The neural circuits in our emotional brain - the limbic system and subconscious memory systems - control our emotional responses in daily life.
• When a stimulus arrives in the brain, it activates either stress-resilient circuits, the internal calmers and healers, or stress-reactive circuits.
• The brain activates the strongest circuit, which controls our responses.
• If the strongest circuit is the reactive circuit, our strong emotions get the upper hand, and the stress interferes with the part of our brain responsible for higher-level thinking and planning.
• The longer the stress-reactive circuit is activated, the more likely they are to activate other stress-reactive wires, which can cause an emotional meltdown of anxiety, numbness, depression, and hostility.

The brain learns to be resilient by being resilient. It takes becoming stressed, then use emotional techniques to change the unreasonable expectations stored in that circuit.

• One technique is to complain briefly. It activates the reactive wire that has encoded an incorrect response.
• Then rapidly express emotions, starting with a burst of anger (which decreases stress). You can then stay present to your strong, negative emotions. Talk to yourself through finishing phrases like " I feel afraid that..." or "I feel sad that..."

This theory suggests that listening to classical composers can enhance brain activity and act as a catalyst for improving health and well-being.

Listening to the sounds of nature (waves crashing or a babbling brook) has been shown to boost moods and focus. They also help mask harsher, more distracting noises, such as people talking or typing

Nature sounds work best when they’re soothing sounds (flowing water or rainfall, while more jarring noises (bird calls and animal noises) can be distracting.

With stress, the mind and the body are intrinsically linked. You can view stress as something that is wreaking havoc on your body (and it can) or as something that is giving you the strength and energy to overcome adversity.

Regular exposure to stress in small quantities can prepare us to handle a big stressful event in our lives. Prepare yourself for stress by self-education about the stressful event, by doing some physically stressful activities like completing a marathon, or something you dread, like giving a speech.

Repeated exposure to mildly stressful conditions can alter your body’s biological response to stress, making you manage stress in a better way.

To be resilient, you must develop the ability to self-soothe when things get tough.

When things are in a particularly stressful place, you must tap into your will, motivation, and pliability to continue moving forward.

Resilient people are not needy, desperate or overly reactive. 

They carry a relaxed attitude and view rejection as a new direction opportunity. They don’t get down when challenged, they commit to getting up. They do not depend upon others for our resources. 

Curiosity creates a longing to know more, do more and be more.

To have a successful life, you have to cultivate your sense of wonder and be curious about what the future might hold. Curiosity helps you see any situation as an opportunity for your advancement and learning.

It improves your ability to prioritize and it makes decision-making easier.

It also provides commitment: it's usually hard to commit to something that has no foreseeable future.

When we feel stressed, our brains release a chemical called noradrenaline. Noradrenaline increases arousal and alertness, it increases the formation and retrieval of memories, and it focuses attention. It also increases restlessness and anxiety.

If we find ways to control and handle stress emotionally, we can use it to our advantage. It can sharpen our brain function and increase creativity, and eventually make us happier and less anxious.

Symptoms of stress, like a dry mouth and a racing heart, are the same as excitement. Research confirms that when people are in stressful situations such as public speaking, instead of telling themselves to calm down, reframing the situation as exciting helps to ride the wave of stress.

Anxiety can drain you and decrease your confidence while reframing your anxiety as excitement will increase your performance.

• They savor the moment. They "stop to smell the roses".
• They're busy, but not rushed. A healthy work-life balance is key.
•  They don't sweat the small stuff. They focus only of what is important and within their control.

• They spend money on others. One reason is that it creates social connections.
• They celebrate other people's success through "active and constructive" responding.
• They treat everyone with respect and kindness. Kindness, like happiness, is contagious.
• They're proactive about relationships. They work on maintaining their relationships.
• They express gratitude. It improves mood and energy and decreases anxiety.
• They engage in deep, meaningful conversations.