Ruminating and problem-solving

The primary factor in resilience is having supportive relationships, inside and outside the family. 

Close friends, family and loved ones represent our social support; they encourage and motivate us, and let us know that we aren’t alone.

The way we view a potentially stressful situation can either make the crisis worse in our mind or minimize it. 

Reframing things in a more positive way can alter our perceptions and relieve our stressful feelings.

Self-destructive behaviors can become habits and can continually undermine your success and happiness.

Self-sabotage is when we want something, but somehow we never accomplish it, because somewhere deep in our subconscious we’re fighting against that goal:

• Our disorganization distracts us.
• We’re constantly overthinking all of our decisions.

• Procrastination. Start setting deadlines and mini-deadlines to work toward your objective.
• Negative self-talk/negative thinking. Be patient with yourself; be kind to yourself. Work to build yourself up.
• Perfectionism. It is an impossible standard that keeps you from moving forward.

This theory suggests that listening to classical composers can enhance brain activity and act as a catalyst for improving health and well-being.

Listening to the sounds of nature (waves crashing or a babbling brook) has been shown to boost moods and focus. They also help mask harsher, more distracting noises, such as people talking or typing

Nature sounds work best when they’re soothing sounds (flowing water or rainfall, while more jarring noises (bird calls and animal noises) can be distracting.

To be resilient, you must develop the ability to self-soothe when things get tough.

When things are in a particularly stressful place, you must tap into your will, motivation, and pliability to continue moving forward.

Resilient people are not needy, desperate or overly reactive. 

They carry a relaxed attitude and view rejection as a new direction opportunity. They don’t get down when challenged, they commit to getting up. They do not depend upon others for our resources. 

When you are in a stressful situation, do not allow your mind to imagine the worst-case scenario. 

Focus your mind on something positive.

The "what if" line of questioning induces panic and lets you focus on imagined situations that escalate the problem.

Focus on the facts and work on a solution.

• The neural circuits in our emotional brain - the limbic system and subconscious memory systems - control our emotional responses in daily life.
• When a stimulus arrives in the brain, it activates either stress-resilient circuits, the internal calmers and healers, or stress-reactive circuits.
• The brain activates the strongest circuit, which controls our responses.
• If the strongest circuit is the reactive circuit, our strong emotions get the upper hand, and the stress interferes with the part of our brain responsible for higher-level thinking and planning.
• The longer the stress-reactive circuit is activated, the more likely they are to activate other stress-reactive wires, which can cause an emotional meltdown of anxiety, numbness, depression, and hostility.

The brain learns to be resilient by being resilient. It takes becoming stressed, then use emotional techniques to change the unreasonable expectations stored in that circuit.

• One technique is to complain briefly. It activates the reactive wire that has encoded an incorrect response.
• Then rapidly express emotions, starting with a burst of anger (which decreases stress). You can then stay present to your strong, negative emotions. Talk to yourself through finishing phrases like " I feel afraid that..." or "I feel sad that..."

Putting your feelings into words has a therapeutic effect on your brain; if you’re unable to articulate how you feel, that can create stress. 

The ability to say “no” to yourself to put off short-term gratification ( from daily temptations like social media or junk food) for the long-term gain is an important life-skill. 

Like a muscle, it is strengthened with exercise

Curiosity creates a longing to know more, do more and be more.

To have a successful life, you have to cultivate your sense of wonder and be curious about what the future might hold. Curiosity helps you see any situation as an opportunity for your advancement and learning.

It improves your ability to prioritize and it makes decision-making easier.

It also provides commitment: it's usually hard to commit to something that has no foreseeable future.

Having an active social life is crucial to your health. People who isolate themselves from others could increase their risk of death by about 50 percent. 

If you have a busy life, schedule recurring social activities with your closest friends, monthly.  Plan your work schedule around your social calendar instead of the other way around.

The key to finding the balance between work and health is learning how to cope with stress.

Get in the habit of stepping away from the stressful situation for a few moments to calm down and collect your thoughts: step away from the computer or spend a few minutes walking outside.

• Ask about passion projects. Learners tend to pursue something else outside work (training for a marathon, playing with a band, etc.)
• Focus on curiosity as much as hard skills. Bring up problems currently facing the team and see how the candidate responds.
• One of the most important things to a learning mindset is the ability to admit you don't know something. So be aware of how they approach the things they don't understand.

This means explicitly defining ongoing learning as a core company value.

Empowering employees can mean providing the time or money to enable learning - in other words, offering learning opportunities as a job benefit like health insurance.