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Choose your core values

Choose your core values

You must make your boundaries about you.

Once you get clear about what matters most to you, then you can take the bigger step of communicating that to the others.

@adalinew11

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NO boundaries = little self-esteem

The first step to change is admitting this.

Your boundaries are your values. Boundaries are representative of how much or little you respect yourself. 

You can't change others

You are not responsible for what they say, their reactions or for the daily choices they make.

Since you can't change other people, change how you deal with them. They may be motivated to change if their old ways no longer work.

Decide the consequences

The best way to figure out your own boundaries and consequences when people cross them is by sitting quietly down with yourself and making this all about you. 

Keep in mind: boundaries are about honoring your needs, not about judging other people's choices.

Let your behavior speak for you

You present your boundaries clearly to people and then let your behavior do the talking. 

People WILL test, push and disrespect your limits. You'll know you're getting healthier when this doesn't get an emotional reaction out of you. 

Communicating boundaries

The biggest part of setting boundaries is HOW clearly you communicate them. 

You can have the most healthy set of boundaries on the planet but if you do not communicate them clearly, you are going to create some really confusing relationships, both for you and everyone else involved.

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RELATED IDEAS

If you notice yourself slipping and not sustaining your boundaries, ask yourself what's changed. Find out what you do have control over and what you are going to do about it.

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IDEAS

It’s totally normal to feel guilty, selfish, or embarrassed after setting a (completely valid) boundary.

Your boundary-setting muscle will take time to develop. Prepare a mantra to refer to after setting difficult boundaries with others. “I set boundaries to..."

Our boundaries are shaped by

  • our heritage or culture
  • the region we live in or come from
  • whether we’re introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between
  • our life experiences
  • our family dynamics
Boundaries are a deeply personal choice and vary from person to person. You can investigate and define your boundaries with self-reflection.