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How to Overcome Your Fear of Rejection | Brian Tracy
Define the Problem in Writing
Write a clear description of your problem, the answer to the question, “What exactly am I worrying about?”
Fully 50% of all problems can be solved at this definition stage. Many of our worries exist because we have not taken the time to sit down and really define clearly what it is that is bothering us.
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The Fear Of Rejection
It interferes with performance and inhibits expression.
Taken to its extreme, we become totally preoccupied with not making a mistake, with seeking approval for security above all other considerations.
Define the Problem in Writing
Write a clear description of your problem, the answer to the question, “What exactly am I worrying about?”
Fully 50% of all problems can be solved at this definition stage. Many of our worries exist because we have not taken the time to sit down and really define clearly what it is that is bothering us.
The Worst Possible Outcome
Write out the worst possible outcome of the worry situation. Answer the question, “What is the worst possible thing that can happen as a result of this problem?”
It is resistance to facing the worst possible outcome that causes most of the anxiety and stress associated with worry. Writing it down will take away its power.
Accept the Worst Possible Outcome
Start telling yourself,"If it happens this way, I’ll learn to live with it."
Once you have resolved to accept the worst, should it occur, you no longer have anything to worry about. All the stress caused by denial, by refusing to face what the worst could be, suddenly disappears.
Begin Improving On The Worst
Think of everything that you could possibly do to make sure that the very worst does not occur.
Once you stop worrying and have resolved to accept the worst, your mind will be calm and clear and capable of creative thought. By overcoming fear you are now in a position to do something constructive.
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Behind many fears is worry about doing something wrong, looking foolish, or not meeting expectations — in other words, fear of failure. By framing a situation you’re dreading differently before you attempt it, you may be able to avoid some stress and anxiety.
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Making mistakes
We're often presented with challenges that we've not encountered before that may leave us feeling fearful of making mistakes. But no one can reduce mistakes to zero.
Don’t be ashamed of your fear
Don't be ashamed or afraid of your fear of making mistakes, and don't think that being fearful is evidence that you're an indecisive leader. If you are prevention-focused, channel it to be bold and visionary.
The traditional image of a leader is one who is intelligent, brave, and unafraid. Your concern about making mistakes is there to remind you that you're in a challenging situation. Being cautious has value.
Emotional agility skills
Fear of mistakes can prevent people from taking action. Overcome this paralysis with emotional agility skills:
- State your fears out loud. It will help diffuse them.
- Accept reality. List every truth you need to accept. "I understand that people will not always behave in ideal ways."
- Act on your values. Identify your five most important values related to decision-making in a crisis, then ask yourself how each of those is relevant to the critical choices you face.
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Some are useful, and some are useless fears that you can't or shouldn't do anything about.
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Fear can harm you
In scuba diving, for instance, fear can cause you to breathe too fast, swim too hard, move too suddenly, fail to take note of your surroundings, or rise too quickly toward the surface.
Knowing that fear has the potential to harm you can help you set it aside. Fold up that fear, put it in a box, and promise you'll get back to it later at a less dangerous time.
Fear and chemicals
You may think it's your judgment deciding that something is dangerous and you should be afraid, but what actually happens is that fear chemicals are flooding into your brain.
Experiments have shown that fear can be induced artificially by injecting certain chemicals. Do the chemicals know what you should and shouldn't be afraid of? They don't. You do.
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