Humans are social creatures who seek personal validation based on how others interact with them. We feel good and important when others share our belief system and dejected when there’s a conflict of opinions.
We are social creatures who desire validation. We feel good when others share our belief system. But we feel dejected when others do not value our inputs, crush our ideas, or ignore what we have to...
We view the world and the people in it from a specific paradigm.
How we relate to someone is driven by our personality, expectations, background, and experience. Why we find someone difficult is then a very personal affair.
T - Tagging. We are quick to label others as needy, manipulative, fake, arrogant, but explain away our own selfish acts and believe we are better than others.
R - Righteous. When we find someone difficult, we start believing in the righteousness of how we feel, what we want, and why the other person deserves to be treated in a certain way. We reject them as a person, as well as their ideas.
I - Intention. Once we know we are right, it's easy to assume they act out of bad intent.
C - Confirmation. Once we think someone is difficult, every interaction serves as a validation of our beliefs. We will reject the evidence that contradicts our beliefs and seek information that strengthens our views.
K - Keenness to fix others. Without changing our own behavior, we assume the other person is at fault and then desire to fix them.
All leaders have difficult conversations at some point in time, whether it's telling an employee they aren't getting a raise or a promotion, disciplining poor performance, or even firing someone. Having difficult conversations may never be easy, but there are ways to make those conversations both productive and as painless as possible.
During a difficult conversation, be quick and direct. This is not the time for feedback techniques, as they will mask the point of the conversation and lessen its impact making it more difficult.
Often, the person knows that a critique is coming, so rather than dancing around the subject, just get to it. It’s better for both parts.
All leaders have difficult conversations at some point in time, whether it's telling an employee they aren't getting a raise or a promotion, disciplining poor performance, or even firing someone. Having difficult conversations may never be easy, but there are ways to make those conversations both productive and as painless as possible.
The more clarity you can provide, the better the critique will be received during a difficult conversation.
Be honest and thorough with your feedback, and fully clarify why you're having the conversation. Offer as many concrete examples as possible so the person understands you're not just pulling things out of thin air.