A Guide To Dealing With Difficult People

Separate the facts from your assumptions. 

Separate yourself and your reactions from the negative emotions you may be feeling in the moment. 

Ask yourself two simple questions when you feel you’re being treated badly or unfairly.

• What are the facts in this situation?
• What’s the story I’m telling myself about those facts? What do I really want as an outcome?

Viewing the world through the lens of the person who triggered you. It doesn’t mean sacrificing your own point of view but rather widening your perspective. 

Ask yourself:

• What is this person feeling, and in what ways does that make sense?
• Where’s my responsibility in all this?

Sometimes your worst fears about another person turn out to be true. She invariably takes credit for your work. When this occurs, begin with this question:

• Regardless of how I feel about what’s happening right now, how can I grow and learn from this experience?

It is all about breathing. Slow, deep breathing actually triggers something at the bottom of your spine called the Vegus nerve, which sends neurotransmitters to the brain that actually calm you down.

Take a moment to reflect on how you feel. Ask yourself questions about how you can respond to a difficult person, or how you can create a good outcome from the situation. 

Have a clear sense of self, what causes you tension and where your limits are.

• Seek to understand the situation. Gain some clarity by asking questions while managing your own reactions.
• Stick to the facts and acknowledge emotions. 
• Paraphrase and check for accurate understanding. 
• Stating your emotions or the impact that the person is having on you based on their behavior, if delivered correctly, can sometimes be the nudge that someone needs to realize that they are rubbing you the wrong way.
• Seek the advice of others. You are not the only person who has ever had to productively interact with a difficult person. 
• Keep records, if necessary. If things go south, at least you have a good record of what led to that place.

Take care of yourself.

By modeling well-being practices, you not only do good for your own mind and body, but you eliminate second-hand stress for all those around you.