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7 Ways To Work On Your Relationship With Yourself

Identify The Root Of Problems

Once you know where it began, you can realize that you perhaps adopted the wrong idea about yourself based on what you thought was true in the moment.

If you struggle with low self-esteem, for example, imagine the first time you felt ashamed of yourself. Think about what made you feel that way and why. This is the only way you can truly rectify it.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

7 Ways To Work On Your Relationship With Yourself

7 Ways To Work On Your Relationship With Yourself

https://www.bustle.com/articles/137989-7-ways-to-work-on-your-relationship-with-yourself

bustle.com

7

Key Ideas

Listen To Yourself

If you are in pain in any way or something makes you uncomfortable, that means something is not right. Figure out why.

That "something" could be a choice to change your life but most often, it's a shift in how you see yourself and what you focus on most.

Identify The Root Of Problems

Once you know where it began, you can realize that you perhaps adopted the wrong idea about yourself based on what you thought was true in the moment.

If you struggle with low self-esteem, for example, imagine the first time you felt ashamed of yourself. Think about what made you feel that way and why. This is the only way you can truly rectify it.

Take Care Of Yourself

... in the practical ways:

  • Go for wellness checks
  • Make dentist appointments
  • Prioritize sleep
  • Eat well and often
  • Wear weather-appropriate clothes and shoes that you're comfortable in
  • Connect with people who make you feel loved
  • Save some money
  • Have your own back before you expect anyone else to.

Practice Identifying Your Feelings

When you know what your feelings are, they're not scary anymore.

Stand Up For Yourself

You won't start a war to saying: "I don't appreciate you speaking about me in this way," but you will reinforce a kind of self-empowerment that most people never develop in the first place.

Be Honest About What You Think

At least with yourself.  

Just because you can't always speak your entire truth does not mean that you don't have to consciously acknowledge what it is.

Have A Plan

Know what you'd do in the event of a breakup, a job loss, the freaking apocalypse. 

Have a savings account, an escape already planned. 

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Don’t accuse

Be conscious not to point blame at your partner by phrasing sentences that start with words such as “You make me... “ or “You didn’t…

Instead, begin by saying, “I feel hurt ...

Listen

Once you voice what’s bothering you, be sure to hear how your partner responds. Give him or her a chance to speak and listen to what he or she says. 

It may be that you’re misinterpreting the behavior, he or she wasn’t conscious of how you feel, or you’re doing or saying something to influence them. 

Be consistent
Healthy communication happens during the smallest of moments, not only at meals and when you’re on vacation. Speak nicely to your partner and try your best not to let stress or other distractions get the best of you. 

A devoted husband or wife will want to support you when you need it most, but not if you take your anxiety out on them or take his or her love for granted.

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It's not all about you

A self-centered worldview will have you chasing boogeymen where they don’t exist. 

Stop psycho-analyzing every word choice your partner makes and be more present in the moment so ...

Stop psyching yourself out

Have you ever found thinking negative thoughts like, “I know they’ll get sick of me someday,” or, “How could they love me?” 

These thoughts have little to do with reality but a lot to do with fear.

Stop lugging around all that baggage

A little baggage is totally okay, but you need to lighten your load before jumping into any new relationship.

Let go of any left-over hurtful feelings that might be lingering and realize that your new relationship is a new opportunity to put all of that behind you.

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You don’t paraphrase or restate

Practice paraphrasing instead of responding with nods, a-ha's, and yeah's. 

This type of communicating makes your partner feel like they are getting real attention and empathy.

Focusing on the person instead of the issue

Try to talk about the issue at hand and how it makes you feel.

For example:
“It makes me feel frustrated that you forgot what I wanted. Is there a way I can help you to remember next time?”

Not showing your appreciation

It is important to remind your partner you appreciate them. 

This generates a warm and loving atmosphere as a backdrop to your relationship.

3 more ideas

Manage your feelings when in a relationship

Anger and frustration can result in great harm when expressed. When you experience these feelings towards your partner, try to calm down before starting a quarrel, which would only just injure your...

A balanced relationship is a happy relationship

As you most probably know, making sure there is balance at every level in your relationship will only strengthen your connection with your better half. Therefore, take all the necessary steps to ensure that whenever one of you has a bad day, the other one is there to cheer him or her up.

Efficient communication within a relationship

Whenever you feel like asking something to your partner, try saying it in a polite and affectionate way, avoiding reproaches while making sure that you set the direction of your relationship up for success.

Let yourself be vulnerable
Let yourself be vulnerable
  • Accept you're worthy. You can go far if you yourself believe you deserve positive results.
  • Fight your tricky tendencies by knowing what they are. Knowing your s...
Dr. Seuss

It is better to know how to learn than to know.

Dr. Seuss
False Beliefs About Self-Education

Despite having easy access to information, few people take full advantage of the opportunity we have for self-directed learning.

We still believe that in order to learn something, we need to be formally educated on it, when in fact we're able to educate ourselves.

Self-Education In The 21st Century

Self-education is the core skill for the 21st century.

Our ability to respond to changes in the landscape of work and technology will be dictated by how skilled self-educators we are, how well we can take full advantage of the information available to us to grow our skillset.

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Verbal violations
  • Not allowing you to speak or be heard.
  • Yelling at you.
  • Saying things that are derogatory about your integrity and character.
  • Gossiping about you.
Psychological/emotional boundary violations
  • Preying upon your sense of self and self-esteem
  • Using what you’ve told them in confidence against you
  • Lying to you
  • Criticizing you
  • Manipulating you
  • Mocking you
  • Making demands of your time
  • Bullying you
  • Lording a superior attitude over you
Physical violations
  • Moving into your personal space
  • Touching you without permission
  • Being inappropriate or too familiar towards you
  • Violating your privacy
  • Damaging or destroying your personal property
  • Threatening you with physical harm

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The Confusion Of Habit and Routine
The Confusion Of Habit and Routine

Habits are programmed human behaviors with little or zero conscious thought. Habits free our minds to other things, but our behavior isn’t always on autopilot. There are many tasks that require con...

Understanding Motivation

Neurologically speaking, motivation is the desire to escape psychological discomfort or a life situation that is not giving us any kind of ‘pleasure’.

Most behaviors are prompted by discomfort. If we are hungry, we eat. If we are lonely, we call up a friend. If we are bored, we turn on the TV.

The Test

If we are procrastinating instead of doing a certain task, telling ourselves that we would it later, it is a sure sign that the task isn’t a habit which can be done on autopilot but is, in fact, a routine.

Anything that requires effort is easy to forget or postpone.

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Sabotaging yourself

Sabotaging yourself and your relationships create unnecessary pain and self-generated stress.

To stop sabotaging yourself, you must first recognize when you’re getting in your own way....

Know your typical thinking patterns

Our personality and life experiences predispose us to dominant modes of thinking, but these can be biased in ways that are unhelpful in the majority of situations.

Maybe you tend to worry people are angry at you when usually this isn’t the case. Or you tend to hesitate too much in making decisions.

When you thoroughly understand your personal thinking errors, you’ll be able to correct these, and this will become easier and almost automatic with practice.            

Prioritize one-time behaviors that reduce stress

Streamline your workflow so you can get simple things done without significant willpower.

For example, instead of having a container for pens and scissors in only one room of the house, have these in three different rooms to ensure better tidying.

Strategies like these save time and, more importantly, help free you up mentally.

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Relationship Apocalypse

The Four Horsemen of The Relationship Apocalypse:

  • Criticism: is staging the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner.
  • Defensiveness: res...
Building "Love Maps"

It means getting to know your partner really well, including his/her internal psychological world.

Ask questions, deep and personal ones. Get past“When will you be there?” or “Don’t forget to pick up milk.”

Show Admiration

Admiration is about the story you tell yourself about your partner.

Masters see their partners as better than they really are. Disasters see their partners as worse than they really are.

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