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Don’t Be Self-Centered

Don’t Be Self-Centered

It’s key to connecting with people to suspend your ego; to put your own needs, wants and opinions aside. Anxiety does the opposite bringing your feelings and expectations to the forefront.

Focus on the other person. Simply listen to what they have to say and ask them to tell you more. 

@corahh268

MORE IDEAS FROM THE ARTICLE

Reappraising Conversations
Imagining a conversation as a game you are to score as many points as you can. 
6: Shared feeling/experience (that’s when acquaintances become friends)
5: Confirmation of an emotion’s legitimacy
4: Pursuit of the topic
3: Acknowledgment
2: Implicit recognition (but changing the topic)
1: Perfunctory recognition (autopilot)
0: Denial/contradiction
Reappraisal

Just because you feel it doesn’t make it real. Feelings come from beliefs. Change the beliefs and feelings will change.

Research and anecdotal evidence show that the simple act of positively reimagining something can be enough to decrease anxiety.

Stoic Premeditation

Thoughtfully observe your fear and imagine the worst that could happen.

Realizing the consequences of what scares you are not too dire reminds you that you are not afraid of what other people will do but of the feelings it will cause in you. It’s a fear of something you will cause to yourself and that can be changed.

Noting/labeling

Tell yourself what you are feeling. Research shows that by naming it, the feeling is no longer an overwhelming amygdala emotional reaction; with a label the prefrontal cortex takes the reins, reducing the amygdala reaction.

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RELATED IDEAS

Sometimes suppression is the only thing you can do to avoid an escalation. And sometimes reappraisal can cause you to tolerate bad situations.

Telling yourself a more compassionate story about what’s going on inside the other person’s head is usually the best way to go. 

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IDEAS

Resilience is most times associated with being tough. But that’s not gonna get you very far with feelings. Don't try to be invulnerable. Aim for flexibility instead.

You cannot avoid or resist all pain in life. But you can learn to live with your discomfort better.

A good enough decision

“A good decision now is better than a perfect decision in two days” - James Waters

Losing valuable time for a perfect decision sometimes backfires, and a good enough decision can work just as well.