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How to Stop Overreacting to Everything
Gain Perspective
- Separate yourself from the event to gain an outside perspective.
- Don't punish yourself for overreacting.
- Ask yourself: Why did I do that? What could I have done differently? Did it even matter?
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Reacting and Overreacting
Not all intense responses are overreactions.
The problem arises when you start to react in a bigger way than justified. Overreactions never make the situation better.
Types Of Overreactors
- Internal: they overthink the things that don't go their way and are unable to put their focus onto something else.
- External: they yell, scream, or snap back at people when something isn't exactly how they want it.
Know Your Triggers
This way, you can learn to be more in control of your reactions:
- Identify the things that bother you the most (rejection, criticism, or even something that has nothing to do with you).
- Think about basic contributing factors like lack of sleep, being hungry or thirsty, or being overworked.
Pause Before Responding
Take a deep breath. It will slow down your fight or flight response and allows you to choose a more thoughtful and productive response.
The FAA System
- Freeze: Notice the changes within you (tension, temperature, heart rate). Keep breathing and cool down.
- Analyze: Think about what just happened rationally. Find a way to be compassionate and avoid personalizing what happened to you.
- Act: Express yourself with "I" statements or remove yourself from the situation. If you're still upset, find a way to rechannel how you feel.
Don't Bottle Up Your Emotions
Address the past if possible and resolve any emotional leftovers you might have: vent to a friend or keep a journal.
Emotional baggage becomes more fuel when your bomb goes off.
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Sabotaging yourself
Sabotaging yourself and your relationships create unnecessary pain and self-generated stress.
To stop sabotaging yourself, you must first recognize when you’re getting in your own way....
Know your typical thinking patterns
Our personality and life experiences predispose us to dominant modes of thinking, but these can be biased in ways that are unhelpful in the majority of situations.
Maybe you tend to worry people are angry at you when usually this isn’t the case. Or you tend to hesitate too much in making decisions.
When you thoroughly understand your personal thinking errors, you’ll be able to correct these, and this will become easier and almost automatic with practice.
Prioritize one-time behaviors that reduce stress
Streamline your workflow so you can get simple things done without significant willpower.
For example, instead of having a container for pens and scissors in only one room of the house, have these in three different rooms to ensure better tidying.
Strategies like these save time and, more importantly, help free you up mentally.
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The negativity bias
We have the tendency to give more weight in our minds to things that go wrong than to things that go right—so much so that just one negative event can hijack our minds in ways that can be detriment...
Findings about the negativity bias
- We get upset when someone doesn't fulfill a promise. However, if they do more than promised, we're not grateful enough for it.
- People learn more and faster from punishment and reward. If you have to pick one, negative feedback stimulates learning faster than positive feedback.
The Negative Golden Rule
Do not do unto others what you do not want to be done unto you.
It is about focusing on eliminating the negative more than encouraging the positive. Because there’s abundant evidence from multiple sources that relationships are far more strongly affected by negative things than positive things.
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Visualize the destination
Take a moment to visualize the calm after the storm: the work is done and done well, and you’re celebrating with your team.
Positive visualization can alleviate pressure and help...
Motivate yourself with a reward
People who know their hard work will be tangibly rewarded tend to perform better than those who don’t.
Whether it’s a vacation, something you’ve been wanting to buy, or dinner at your favorite restaurant, pick a reward that will keep you going and pretend it’s already yours.
Focus on your actions
Craft a routine or system for getting the work done. Focus on your daily actions and carry out your plan with discipline and determination.
A routine can help prevent panic and distraction, allowing you to focus on the task at hand.
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