The paradox of resilience

It starts with your mind-set. Accept that change is inevitable and realize that you can choose how you react.

When possible, lay the groundwork for recovery before you need to: Keep your skills up to date to stay in demand in the market, have a financial reserve in case of job loss or illness, etc. 

Strong emotions are more likely to dictate your behavior.

Become familiar with what triggers your stress. Practice “active internal coping mechanisms” such as reframing, humor, optimism, and meaningful social interactions.

Resilience isn’t something you’re born with, but something you build. 

Psychologists say it’s comprised of behaviors, thoughts and actions that anyone can learn — a skill that can be improved, just like running or speaking a new language.

• Relying on others. Resilience has a lot to do with leaning on the people around you and with developing strong, supportive connections.
  
• Trust your own abilities. Keep a list of accomplishments you’re proud of to serve as a reminder of the times you’ve been resilient before.
• Be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to set physical, mental and emotional boundaries.
• Change your outlook. While you can’t always control the situation, you do have control over how you respond to it. Cultivate optimism in the face of adversity.
• Take the next step, even if it’s small. Build hope. Make a list that includes a goal, steps to achieve it, potential obstacles and strategies to overcome them.

1. Recognize that your struggle is valid, no matter what you’re struggling with.

2. Realize the ways you’re already resilient.

3. Don’t wait for the situation to fix itself.

4. Know your strengths and use them.

5. Don’t try to do it alone…

6. …but know that it’s okay not to tell everyone.

7. Find your favorite way to take a mental break.

8. Be compassionate with yourself and realize all the ways adversity has made you strong. 

With stress, the mind and the body are intrinsically linked. You can view stress as something that is wreaking havoc on your body (and it can) or as something that is giving you the strength and energy to overcome adversity.

Regular exposure to stress in small quantities can prepare us to handle a big stressful event in our lives. Prepare yourself for stress by self-education about the stressful event, by doing some physically stressful activities like completing a marathon, or something you dread, like giving a speech.

Repeated exposure to mildly stressful conditions can alter your body’s biological response to stress, making you manage stress in a better way.

The narrative of growth from adversity might sound convincing, but it's difficult to collect reliable data on people before and after they've experienced trauma.

Studies found that people are not very good at accurately remembering what they were like before a traumatic event. When they think they have experienced growth, it might just be a coping mechanism. Those who reported personal growth after a tragedy were more likely to continue to experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress.

It can be problematic to embrace the idea that personal growth and resilience are typical outcomes of adversity.

Not everyone is stronger after a traumatic event. However, the support of family, friends, and communities in the wake of a traumatic event, plays a significant role in growing from it.

Forgive. Research indicates that forgiveness makes you less angry and more healthy.

At this time in history, many people are wondering whether we will have a life again. Will we recover with dignity?

Science suggests that we will do more than recover: we will show immense capacity for resiliency and growth.

Resilience is the ability to maintain a relatively stable and healthy level of psychological and physical functioning during and after a very traumatic event.

Studies reveal that resilience is actually common and can be attained through multiple unexpected routes. Studies further show that the majority of trauma survivors do not develop PTSD, and most report unexpected growth from their experience.

• Be Optimistic. Confronted by a bad situation, optimists perceive it as a challenge and try harder.
• Find Meaning In What You Do. When you find true meaning in your work — when it’s not a job, it’s a calling — you don’t burn out.

• Double Down On Relationships. Those who increase their social activity when things get hard handles stress the best.

Skills are temporary; meta-skills are permanent.

Learning a second language gives you a skill, a learned ability. A meta-skill, on the other hand, is your ability to learn new languages. Developing that meta-skill, makes it easier to learn a third or a fourth tongue.

“The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn."