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5 Things that Happen When You Embrace Being Alone

You develop strengths you need

It’s always better to learn to stand on your own two legs.  And once you are self-sufficient, then relying on someone else from time to time is an act of strength, not weakness.

Take small, consistent steps in the right direction, day in and day out.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

5 Things that Happen When You Embrace Being Alone

5 Things that Happen When You Embrace Being Alone

http://www.marcandangel.com/2015/06/21/5-things-that-happen-when-you-embrace-being-alone/

marcandangel.com

6

Key Ideas

Exploring solitude

We tend to see solitude as grim and imprisoning.  But in fact, the exact opposite can be true.  Solitude can be seen as freeing, as an opportunity for exploration and growth.

It’s good for us to spend time exploring unknowns by ourselves. It gives us an opportunity to discover who we really are and what life is all about.

You develop strengths you need

It’s always better to learn to stand on your own two legs.  And once you are self-sufficient, then relying on someone else from time to time is an act of strength, not weakness.

Take small, consistent steps in the right direction, day in and day out.

Comfortable being alone

Learning to be comfortable with being alone does not mean you can’t be in a relationship. It means that you will not be codependent and entitled.  

What we need is a healthy dose of self-sufficiency. The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development.

Aloneness does not mean loneliness

The trouble is not always in being alone – it’s being lonely in the presence of others.

It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company.  And when you do decide to come back for someone, do so because you’re truly better off with this person.  Don’t do it just for the sake of not being alone. 

Support your own decisions

Everyone you care about does NOT need to support every decision you make.  

Even if things don’t turn out as you anticipated, at least you will learn what you needed to learn, and you won’t have to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.

Experience more of YOUR life

Many of us will go to great lengths to distract ourselves with anything and everything: food, booze, shopping, television, tabloid news, online social networks, video games, phones etc.

Acknowledging this is the first step to healing it.  So begin right now by just breathing, alone, and noticing with curiosity, and without judgment, all of the little ways you can simply BE in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life. 

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Loneliness is a perception issue
Loneliness is a perception issue

Loneliness has more to do with our perceptions than how much company we have: it is just as possible to feel very lonely surrounded by people as it is to be content with little social contact.

Olivia Laing
Olivia Laing

“Loneliness, longing, does not mean one has failed but simply that one is alive.”

Dealing with loneliness through creativity

One way people have always dealt with loneliness is through creativity. By metamorphosing their reality into art, lonely people throughout history have managed to interchange the sense of community relationships could foster with their creative outputs.

The artist Edward Hopper (1882–1967) is known for his paintings of American cityscapes inhabited by closed-off figures who seem to embody a vision of modern loneliness.

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Being alone during a pandemic

Being alone and, therefore, forced to face our own thoughts, can prove rather disturbing. People need other people to feel well: being sociable is not anymore just a skill to develop, it is a mere ...

Enforced solitude and its advantages

The current pandemic has us facing one of our biggest fears: staying alone, dealing with our own emotions and thoughts. However, this situation has also a great deal of advantages. While in self-isolation, we can use this time to improve ourselves by discovering new hobbies or just developing skills we have already gathered, cultivating our mind through reading. In fewer words, we finally have the time to learn how to deal with ourselves. And this is always a good thing.

The wonders of a clear sense of purpose during isolation

As difficult as it may seem, self-isolation has its benefits. When spending your time alone, the key to handle this situation is to find a purpose in your suffering. In other words, focus on why your suffering is doing good to others as well as to yourself. Furthermore, the fact that you stick to a certain routine or that
everybody is doing the same thing provides you not only with a meaning, but also with a sense of belonging.

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Our inner 'demons'

Our inner Demons, or inner voices, make us do irrational, stupid and selfish things, based out of fear.

We hide and distract ourselves from our inner voice, which is nothing but our fear and ...

Our common negative parts

Some of our common 'demons' are:

  • Procrastination
  • Laziness
  • Self-loathing
  • Comparing yourself with your peers, leading to envy
  • Loser mentality.
The downward spiral

Our inner demons lead us to negatively judge ourselves, further leading to avoiding that judgment, and eventually starting the internal self-destruction, if the negative downward spiral is left unchecked.

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1. You Spend Significant Time Together

Outside of normal working hours and with all the things you could be doing in a day, there usually isn’t much time left over to spare.

The fact that you and your significant other ...

2. You Include Each Other In Your Regular Purchases

Such acts of thoughtfulness may go from small and seemingly insignificant to as extravagant as buying matching jewelry. Keeping each other in mind to the point where you’re considering them in your regular purchases, you’re probably in a committed relationship.

3. You Get a Key

It’s a big demonstration of trust if one or both of you have keys to the other’s house.

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6. You Vacation Together

We don’t usually choose to spend several uninterrupted days or weeks of a vacation with people we don’t like a lot. You’re also making memories that last for a lifetime.

7. You Talk About Bodily Functions

Those conversations are usually reserved for medical appointments and the occasional funny story.

If you can speak with your lover about intimate bodily functions, you’re probably more than casual friends; especially if you find that typically private and personal conversations become commonplace between the two of you.

8. You Plan For The Future Together

In a committed relationship, however, it matters what the other person wants to do and where they see themselves in the future. So if you and your partner are making plans together, there’s a good likelihood that your relationship is in for the long haul.

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Isolated from outside input

We think of solitude in terms of remote cabins or mountain tops. But the real key to solitude is to step away from reacting to the output of other minds: be it listening to a podca...

Regular doses of solitude are crucial for your brain

Spending time isolated from other minds is what allows you to process and regulate complex emotions. It’s the only time you can refine the principles on which you can build a life of character. It’s what allows you to crack hard problems, and is often necessary for creative insight. 

The importance of motivation
The importance of motivation

Research shows that more than 50% of American workers feel disengaged at their jobs.

Research also shows that motivation is very important to feel engaged. Motivation predic...

Focus On The Meaning

We find motivation when something is meaningful. Meaning is much bigger than the enjoyment of a moment. It can include something we don't like. Soldiers risk being killed every day to serve their country. New parents handle poop daily for years.

Meaningful things give us purpose. This means doing something that serves a larger cause than yourself or, at least, making a contribution in your own world.

Tasks that do not seem meaningful

When a task you have to do doesn't seem meaningful, reframe your experience. You may not always be able to change what you have to do but you can change how you view it. When you look at it in light of how it helps others, you'll often find motivation.

You're not "filling out boring paperwork, you're helping people get the insurance that could save their life. You're not slaving over a hot stove, you're showing your family how much you love them.

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Look for Logical Overlaps

Cut your goal list by identifying relationships between items

Some things will complement one another, and this synergy will allow you to work toward more than one goal at a tim...

Make the Time

Replace the phrase “have time” with “make time.” 

Saying, “I don’t have time to [work towards your goal] ” isn’t doing you any favors.  Use " I am making time to [work for your goal]".

This way, start thinking of time as being a plentiful resource and declare it to be something within your control.

Avoid Over-Planning

Instead of over-planning, come up with one tangible next step for each item on your dream bucket list, that will get you going in the right direction.

Being open to life's serendipity—instead of micromanaging—will make you much happier in the long run.

William Bridges

“Change can happen at any time, but transition comes along when one chapter of your life is over, and another is w..."

William Bridges
The Stages of Transition

The experience of Transition has 4 main stages:

  1. Disengagement: the feeling of separation from what is lost
  2. Disidentification: the destruction of the old identity
  3. Disenchantment: tearing out of the old reality
  4. Disorientation: the feeling of being lost and bewildered by the loss experienced.
Change is Inevitable

Change is the only constant in life.

It is always a certainty and failure to cope with change is not an option.

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