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How to Avoid a Life of Regret
The theory of the 3 selves
- The actual self is what a person believes to be now, based on current attributes and abilities.
- The ideal self is comprised of the attributes and abilities a person would like to possess one day— goals, hopes, and aspirations.
- The ought self is who someone believes they should have been according to their obligations and responsibilities.
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What we regret
The regrets that bother us the most involve failing to live up to our “ideal selves.”
We’re not as bothered by the mistakes we’ve made or the things we ought to have done as we are bothered by never becoming the person we truly wanted to be.
The theory of the 3 selves
- The actual self is what a person believes to be now, based on current attributes and abilities.
- The ideal self is comprised of the attributes and abilities a person would like to possess one day— goals, hopes, and aspirations.
- The ought self is who someone believes they should have been according to their obligations and responsibilities.
Regretting what we don't do
People regret their inactions more than their actions in the long term.
- A mistake makes you feel a great deal of regret, but you get over it quickly because you most likely can fix it.
- You can’t fix what was never done in the first place. Inaction, the utter lack of trying, is what will truly haunt you.
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Learning from Your Regrets
Regret can be seen as a mistake that we haven't learned the proper lesson from yet. If we learn from it, that mistake becomes helpful and makes us better.
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Questioning Your Narratives
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Dwelling on Your Mistakes
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Dwelling makes you feel like a failure. When you feel like a failure, it’s easy to tell yourself there’s no point in trying, because you already suck.
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