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Seven Toxic Relationship Habits That Need to Be Broken Today
Punishing or Accepting
If your partner forgets to pick up groceries on the way home from work or forgets to set the alarm on a Monday morning, do you tend to insult or belittle them?
Learn to accept the imperfection of others, as you expect others to accept in yourself.
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Criticizing or Listening
Do you tend to hear your partner out when she’s sharing his or her perspective or do you jump in quickly to point out the problems with their views?
Try listening and giving your partner space to share their opinions—it’s easier to find a compromise or the best solution when everyone has a chance to share their thoughts.
Blaming vs. Supporting
When things go wrong for your partner—on the job, with friends, or personally—do you tend to identify the faults in them that may have led to their difficulties or do you offer support and a willing ear?
Tearing down your partner when the world is doing a good job of this already does no good for your relationship.
Complaining or Encouraging
If your partner is taking on a new challenge or trying to solve a problem or fix something that’s broken, do you complain about their success and pace or do you offer encouragement and act as a cheerleader?
Improve your partner’s chance of success by giving them space and positive encouragement. You should view yourselves as a team, not as rivals.
Nagging vs. Respecting
If you have a set way of looking at the world or doing things that are 180-degrees different from your partner’s, don’t nag them to change how they do things; respect the differences that exist and let yourself off the hook for being the “expert” in everything.
Threatening or Trusting
If a partner needs to work late, do you threaten them that they’d better be back on time, or that they’d better be telling the truth about their plans?
Learning to trust your partner’s commitment can ease a relationship’s path.
Punishing or Accepting
If your partner forgets to pick up groceries on the way home from work or forgets to set the alarm on a Monday morning, do you tend to insult or belittle them?
Learn to accept the imperfection of others, as you expect others to accept in yourself.
Bribing or Negotiating
When you want to convince your partner to do something your way, do you try to bribe them with promises of giving in to their requests later?
Healthy adult relationships don’t function well when disagreements feel more like payoffs than negotiations or mediations.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
Pointless Criticism
In the context of poor communication, criticizing is when you knock someone down for the wrong reasons: to hurt someone, to vent your frustrations or to boost your ego.
It’s easy enoug...
Blaming
When you blame someone, you take any responsibility off of yourself and put it on them.
It’s understandable that you want to express your dissatisfaction with something. But sometimes you need to express it in order to find a solution, not to point singers.
Ineffective Complaining
Complaining is exhausting because it puts pressure on the other person.
Complaining often results in the other person feeling as if they should somehow “fix” the problem or else just get away from the complaining.
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Key Ideas
Go to bed at the same time
Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times.
They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.
Cultivate common interests
Don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them.
At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevents you from appearing too dependent.
Trust and forgiveness
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.
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Codependency
The traditional definition of codependency focuses on control, nurturing, and maintenance of relationships with individuals who are chemically dependent or engaging in undesirable behaviors, such a...
Signs of Codependency
Ask yourself these questions:
- Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner's needs?
- Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
- Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
- Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
- Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
- Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
The Development of Codependency
When a child grows up in a dysfunctional home with unavailable parents, the child takes on the role of caretaker, learn to put the parents need first, and repress and disregard their own needs.
As the child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.
Resentment builds when you don’t recognize your own needs and wants. A common behavioral tendency is to overreact or lash out when your partner lets you down.
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