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Don’t get defensive

Don’t get defensive

There’s a difference between seeking the truth versus automatically getting defensive. 

When an argument arises, you should both work from the position of 'what can we do to move our shared life forward?’ instead of investing energy into showing why one point of view is correct and the othe...

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While there are plenty of situations where closed-ended questions are appropriate, couples who consistently communicate with open-ended questions, to spark “big talk,” show that they have a sincere interest in their partners and want to create closeness.

You can save or withdraw money from your bank account.

Save your criticism and deposit your compliments. 

It’s essential to have more deposits (in the form of praise, kindness, expressions of approval) than withdrawals (in the form of criticism).

If you’re wrong, don’t shy away or hope it just goes away. 

Take responsibility for your actions, be sincere, and work to make the other person feel accounted for and reassured that you’ll behave better next time. 

Accusations such as “you always…” or “you never…” drain the flavor out of a relationship, making your partner feel like a zero. 

Use criticism with pin-point accuracy and avoid the collateral damage that comes from the sweeping generalizations.

Even if there are many big things bothering you, bring up a maximum of only one per conversation.

If you ignore this vital rule, you will overwhelm the other person, and they will have a tendency to emotionally shut down.

When you're engaged in a high-stakes conversation, listen to what your partner is saying, without interrupting until he or she is finished. Then, and only then, carefully formulate your response. 

When you’re feeling uneasy around your partner, don’t assume your cues are acknowledged without verbally expressing them. 

Great couples communicate well, without getting upset with each other for “messing up” by not understanding what’s going on in the head. If they are upset, they’ll open...

Instead of telling others how awful they are, using ‘I statements’ expresses your own feelings and needs, especially related to the topic that is dividing you.

This creates a peaceful resolution based on meeting each other’s needs. 

If it doesn’t seem like the right moment to express yourself, hold onto your feelings, and bring them up at a time when you’re in a calm space, and you can both properly address them with care and rationality. 

An argument from the past should stay in the past. 

Arguments will happen, but they need to be fully dealt with, and then forgotten about and never brought up again, for a couple to move forward daily with a fresh slate.

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Practice paraphrasing instead of responding with nods, a-ha's, and yeah's. 

This type of communicating makes your partner feel like they are getting real attention and empathy.

For example:
If they are talking about a conflict they had at work say, “So it sounds li...

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Anger and frustration can result in great harm when expressed. When you experience these feelings towards your partner, try to calm down before starting a quarrel, which would only just injure your half's feelings.

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Passive Communicators

Passive communicators go along with the other person’s ideas, narratives and suggestions. They avoid conflicts and confrontations. They appear anxious, afraid of disapproval and are often having poor eye contact or posture.

In a relationship, these people bottle up their e...

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