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Save your criticism and deposit your compliments.
It’s essential to have more deposits (in the form of praise, kindness, expressions of approval) than withdrawals (in the form of criticism).
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When an argument arises, you should both work from the position of 'what can we do to move our shared life forward?’ instead of investing energy into showing why one point of view is correct and the other one is not.
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Take responsibility for your actions, be sincere, and work to make the other person feel accounted for and reassured that you’ll behave better next time.
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While there are plenty of situations where closed-ended questions are appropriate, couples who consistently communicate with open-ended questions, to spark “big talk,” show that they have a sincere interest in their partners and want to create closeness.
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If you ignore this vital rule, you will overwhelm the other person, and they will have a tendency to emotionally shut down.
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When you're engaged in a high-stakes conversation, listen to what your partner is saying, without interrupting until he or she is finished. Then, and only then, carefully formulate your response.
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Arguments will happen, but they need to be fully dealt with, and then forgotten about and never brought up again, for a couple to move forward daily with a fresh slate.
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If it doesn’t seem like the right moment to express yourself, hold onto your feelings, and bring them up at a time when you’re in a calm space, and you can both properly address them with care and rationality.
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Use criticism with pin-point accuracy and avoid the collateral damage that comes from the sweeping generalizations.
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This creates a peaceful resolution based on meeting each other’s needs.
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Great couples communicate well, without getting upset with each other for “messing up” by not understanding what’s going on in the head. If they are upset, they’ll openly say so, to resolve and move on.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
It is difficult to discuss some sensitive subjects, and we are tempted to avoid them. Other times we simply expect our partners to know what we are doing, thinking or what we want.
It is much better to get things out in the open regularly rather than waiting to have big rows that might damage your relationship.
Be curious about your partner’s point of view rather than trying to anticipate every situation. Active listening involves:
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Key Ideas
Anger and frustration can result in great harm when expressed. When you experience these feelings towards your partner, try to calm down before starting a quarrel, which would only just injure your...
As you most probably know, making sure there is balance at every level in your relationship will only strengthen your connection with your better half. Therefore, take all the necessary steps to ensure that whenever one of you has a bad day, the other one is there to cheer him or her up.
Whenever you feel like asking something to your partner, try saying it in a polite and affectionate way, avoiding reproaches while making sure that you set the direction of your relationship up for success.
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Key Ideas
Practice paraphrasing instead of responding with nods, a-ha's, and yeah's.
This type of communicating makes your partner feel like they are getting real attention and empathy.
Try to talk about the issue at hand and how it makes you feel.
For example:
“It makes me feel frustrated that you forgot what I wanted. Is there a way I can help you to remember next time?”
It is important to remind your partner you appreciate them.
This generates a warm and loving atmosphere as a backdrop to your relationship.