Often people insist their way is the way and refuse to have a discussion because they think it is not serious.
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Most of the time we make discoveries about how difficult people are at the moment when the difficulties have actually hurt us, therefore, we are not likely to be forgiving or sympathetic.
We make the equation that, if you love me, you are supposed to understand me even if I don't explain what's wrong. With any good relationship, unfortunately, we often have to spell out what we need. People cannot be mind readers.
So many problems of relationships (are) where we have things to say we haven't said, and we blame people and get bitter that people haven't understood what we never explained to them.
The romantic view is to say 'If you loved me, you wouldn't criticize me'.
Actually, true love is often trying to teach someone how to be the best version of themselves.
Often we think love is a feeling, that you spontaneously experience it. I think, ultimately, it is a skill that needs to be learned. We are not set up for that.
Relearning is an excellent strategy for lifelong learning. The problem is the pain of rebuilding confidence. You may remember a better ability than in reality, so even doing your best with the old skill will seem sub-standard.
However, if you can push through this short-term feeling of inadequacy, relearning starts to look good.
People often overestimate love’s ability to overcome whatever issues or problems present in their relationships.
Love can sometimes be unpleasant or painful. It requires self-discipline, understanding and a certain amount of sustained effort over the course of years. It comes with a requirement for personal responsibility.
Trying new things will keep the relationship from coasting into routine. this drives up the dopamine system and can sustain feelings of romantic love.
This doesn’t have to be a major change, like taking a trip around the world or deciding to have a baby. Little things, like trying a new recipe together, or going for a walk around the block instead of staying in for a movie, can provide the novelty your brain craves.