deepstash

Beta

6 Reasons We Choose Badly in Love

We aren’t a friend to ourselves

When someone lets us down, breaks promises, our first, second and hundredth impulse is never simply to up sticks and leave. 

Our tendency is to wonder what we might have done to provoke the problem. Our past gives us a disastrous tendency to think against ourselves – and give an unnatural degree of credit to the other. 

49 SAVES


This is a professional note extracted from an online article.

Read more efficiently

Save what inspires you

Remember anything

IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

6 Reasons We Choose Badly in Love

6 Reasons We Choose Badly in Love

https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/6-reasons-we-choose-badly-in-love/

theschooloflife.com

6

Key Ideas

We can’t sift

What differentiates the emotionally damaged from the more robustly healthy is their tendency for being unable to spot the problems in due time and remove themselves with the requisite ruthlessness and decisiveness. 

We aren’t a friend to ourselves

When someone lets us down, breaks promises, our first, second and hundredth impulse is never simply to up sticks and leave. 

Our tendency is to wonder what we might have done to provoke the problem. Our past gives us a disastrous tendency to think against ourselves – and give an unnatural degree of credit to the other. 

We can’t disappoint anyone

Looking after ourselves requires a rare skill: a capacity to disappoint another person in the name of our own protection. 

To remain sane, we may have to decline a friend’s suggestion – and in love, upset someone else substantially. 

To someone who doesn’t possess a full tank of inner love, how dare one turn down the love of another, even if it comes wrapped in tricky or poisonous elements? 

We hope too much

Children who grow up in the company of difficult adults settle on doing one thing extremely well: hoping against hope that these adults will magically change and learn to be kind. 

This kind of 'patience' is then transferred into their adult relationships, with similarly negligible results.

We're scared of being alone

Our willingness to quit a bad relationship is to some extent a measure of our confidence that being on our own will be tolerable and that we'll be able to manage it. 

How much better to watch our best hopes crash helplessly against the shores of our current partner’s obdurate and quietly or even unconsciously sadistic personality?

We find kindness ‘boring’

We find nice people instinctively boring and unsexy. This usually has its roots in a troubled past, which makes us unusually unforgiving towards genuine kindness.

If we knew ourselves better, we would find out that some of our potential partners feel wrong because we know they will be unable to deliver the sort of suffering that we’ve grown up to feel is essential to our sense of feeling loved.

EXPLORE MORE AROUND THESE TOPICS:

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

We don’t ask big questions

Big questions referring to is the meaning of life matter deeply because only with sound answers to them we can direct our energies meaningfully, but most of us get shy expressing them. -...

Philosophy = thinking for yourself

Philosophers are interested in asking whether an idea is logical–rather than simply assuming it must be right because it is popular and long-established. - Alain de Botton

Philosophers were the first therapists

Philosophers teach us to think about our emotions, rather than simply have them. By understanding and analysing our feelings, we learn to see how emotions impact on our behaviour in unexpected, counterintuitive and sometimes dangerous ways.  - Alain de Botton

one more idea

Your point-of-view

Your point-of-view about money can be skewed. Thoughts can include:

  • You have to spend money to make money.
  • You need to make money to be rich.
  • ...
Rich people 

Rich people are not all obsessed with money. Some talk about money but they understand that their money does not equate to their inherent value. They don't act entitled to anything. They work hard for what they want.

It is called class. You can't buy it. If you find yourself with a friend like this, you can trust them and learn from the ways they look at life.

Know your worth

Know what you are worth with or without money. You don't need money to be creative. Lacking resources can motivate you to think outside the box.

Witnessing value exchanges with affluent family friends can also benefit you.

3 more ideas

Be Authentic

People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

When someone professes to be one way but lives contrary to that profession, it signals that th...

Listen

Listening meets a person’s primary need for validation and acceptance.

To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid, because by doing this you'll learn more about a person’s character, desires, and needs.

Become an Expert

Become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others.

Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority.

7 more ideas