deepstash

Beta

6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic

Spending time apart

It’s important to occasionally get some distance from your partner, assert your independence, maintain some hobbies or interests that are just yours. Remember what made you attractive and what drew you to your partner in the first place. 

Without this space, you cease to be the person they fell in love with in the first place.

2386 SAVES


This is a professional note extracted from an online article.

Read more efficiently

Save what inspires you

Remember anything

IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic

6 Healthy Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Toxic

https://markmanson.net/healthy-relationship-habits

markmanson.net

6

Key Ideas

Unresolved conflicts

The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth. The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes.

Some conflict is inevitable and there will always be certain things you don’t like about your partner or things you don’t agree with, and that this is fine. You shouldn’t let some disagreements get in the way of what is otherwise a happy and healthy relationship.

Being honest

The last person you should ever have to censor yourself with is the person you love.

It’s important to make something more important in your relationship than merely making each other feel good all of the time. The feel-good stuff happens when you get the other stuff right.

Being willing to end it

Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture. 

Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate time, before it becomes too damaging. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together.

Attraction outside the relationship

Not only are we capable of finding multiple people attractive and interesting at the same time, but it’s a biological inevitability.

What isn’t an inevitability are our choices to act on it or not.

Spending time apart

It’s important to occasionally get some distance from your partner, assert your independence, maintain some hobbies or interests that are just yours. Remember what made you attractive and what drew you to your partner in the first place. 

Without this space, you cease to be the person they fell in love with in the first place.

Accepting your partner’s flaws

The most accurate metric for your love of somebody is how you feel about their flaws.

If you accept them and even adore some of their shortcomings and they can accept and even adore some of your shortcomings,  that’s a sign of true intimacy. And that things can work out.

EXPLORE MORE AROUND THESE TOPICS:

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Conflict mistaken for passion

Arguments and disagreements in relationships are normal, but screaming matches and every day fighting isn’t.

People who seek out conflict in their relationship for the intens...

Keeping the peace

Ignoring problems in a relationship in order to avoid conflict will only mean that the problems pile up until they can no longer be ignored – and by then, it might be too hard to fix.

Keeping score

Keeping track of the things that you do, versus the things that they do is a way to create pressure and conflict where there should only be teamwork. 

Sit down together and work out a plan on things like chores or bills, and who does or pays what.

4 more ideas

The Relationship Scorecard

This is when you and your partner continue to blame each other for past mistakes made in the relationship instead of solving the current problem.

Deal with issues individually unless they ...

Dropping “Hints”

It shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another. 

State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to them but that you’d love to have their support.

Holding the Relationship Hostage

For example, if someone feels like you’ve been cold to them, instead of saying, “I feel like you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say, “I can’t date someone who is cold to me." 

It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself. 

3 more ideas

Relationship Apocalypse

The Four Horsemen of The Relationship Apocalypse:

  • Criticism: is staging the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner.
  • Defensiveness: res...
Building "Love Maps"

It means getting to know your partner really well, including his/her internal psychological world.

Ask questions, deep and personal ones. Get past“When will you be there?” or “Don’t forget to pick up milk.”

Show Admiration

Admiration is about the story you tell yourself about your partner.

Masters see their partners as better than they really are. Disasters see their partners as worse than they really are.

2 more ideas