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6 Keys to Staying in Love

Responding To Urgency

Stay-in-love couples are authentic, open, and self-reliant, but they also urgently need one another at times. They trust each other won’t take advantage of their availability but know that when urgency calls, their partner will rapidly respond. Their mutual goals are to resolve and to reconnect, leaving distress behind as soon as possible.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

6 Keys to Staying in Love

6 Keys to Staying in Love

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201701/6-keys-staying-in-love

psychologytoday.com

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Key Ideas

Responding To Urgency

Stay-in-love couples are authentic, open, and self-reliant, but they also urgently need one another at times. They trust each other won’t take advantage of their availability but know that when urgency calls, their partner will rapidly respond. Their mutual goals are to resolve and to reconnect, leaving distress behind as soon as possible.

Dealing Constructively With Control

Stay-in-love partners know that the need to feel in control at times is natural and that it offers an opportunity for learning and helping each other. Partners have confidence in their own autonomy to not react defensively or take it personally. 

Parenting Each Other

As relationships mature, many begin to feel less willing to give that kind of unconditional nurturing, and might not be as available. 

Stay-in-love couples understand the importance of not letting those special “sweet spots” die. They know that their partner sometimes needs to feel that guaranteed comfort and safety, and are more than willing to act as the good parent when asked. 

Requests For Connection

Good partners honor the other’s feelings and thoughts, especially when trying to work through difficult emotional issues. 

Stay-in-love couples don’t ignore a partner who wants to connect for any reason. Even when distracted or preoccupied, they try to understand what their partner needs, and decide together how they should handle it. 

Refusing To Assign Blame

During a conflict, many blame their partner for what's wrong but find hard to look at their role in it amidst strong emotions. 

Stay-in-love couples know that their partner’s views must be respected and honored, however different they are. They strive to understand and find a truth that allows for both. 

Resolving Conflicts

Honest and authentic couples accept that there will be disagreement and know that, worked through successfully, it can add interest and intrigue to a relationship. They also know that unresolved repeated conflicts can threaten and ultimately damage relationships.

They focus on understanding why they disagreed and how to better handle it, instead of seeking to be right. 

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Unresolved conflicts

The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth. The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes.

Being honest

The last person you should ever have to censor yourself with is the person you love.

It’s important to make something more important in your relationship than merely making each other feel good all of the time. The feel-good stuff happens when you get the other stuff right.

Being willing to end it

Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture. 

Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the appropriate time, before it becomes too damaging. And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together.

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Good Relationships Take Work
Good Relationships Take Work

Merging your own ever-shifting life, needs and wants with those of another person takes work if it is to succeed.

How much work it actually takes might ebb and flow, but expect to inve...

Your Partner’s Flaws

Loving your partner's flaws is not always realistic. Some people have habits that are slightly disgusting and impossible to "love." 

Simply accepting them and learning how to shrug them off and minimize their importance is much more realistic.

Going To Bed Angry

The context might be such that you just can’t solve a problem before bed. Be realistic and settle for an agreement to never go to bed without at least deciding when to continue the discussion or argument.

Also, some people actually need to cool down before they can continue a productive discussion, so taking a break could be wise.

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The Importance Of Commitment Signs

Correctly “reading” the signs of commitment in a potential long-term partner is crucial. When you don’t get solid information about commitment as things progress, you can miss important s...

1. What Does And What Doesn’t Signal Commitment.
The essence of commitment is both parties wanting and planning a future with each other. And that can only be perceived through actions and their context.
Some of the things that people often mistake in isolation for commitment are:
  • Wanting to have sex with someone.
  • Wanting to have a baby with no other evidence of commitment like, say, marriage.
  • Cohabitation.
  • Being married.
2. Circumstances And Commitment.

For behavior to mean something about commitment, it must be behavior that the person has control over performing. If one's options are limited by the context their intentions cannot be read.

In the context of dating and mating, option constraints on you or your partner, limits the information contained in the choices you make. That means that some may routinely misinterpret the behavior of their partners as a signal of commitment when it isn’t.

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Pay attention and be present

When your significant other is speaking, it is of the utmost importance to try your best to give your undivided attention.

Too much multi-tasking when conversations are important can be damag...

Be emotionally available

It is important to be emotionally available to your significant other. Share your emotions, your thoughts and feelings with your partner and be willing to hear theirs. This creates a very strong emotional bond for both.

Be supportive

As partners, you should strive to be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. 

We all need support and should be able to find it in our intimate relationships.

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Rekindling the Fire

Many couples have reached a cozy state of companionship. The humdrumness of life affects the long-term relationship.

It is not uncommon to lose the 'fire' and is unrealistic to expect consis...

Love Progression

As the initial stage of love fades away, a deeper, richer sense of each other should take its place, and couples can find more ways to make things interesting and fun.

Look With New Eyes

Staying curious about each other and finding things, memories, places, and activities that are yet to be shared or experienced together is a great way to rekindle the relationship.
Revisiting your past and finding ways to connect better by looking at the other with 'new' eyes makes us see many things that were overlooked earlier.

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We can’t sift

What differentiates the emotionally damaged from the more robustly healthy is their tendency for being unable to spot the problems in due time and remove themselves with the requisite ruthlessness ...

We aren’t a friend to ourselves

When someone lets us down, breaks promises, our first, second and hundredth impulse is never simply to up sticks and leave. 

Our tendency is to wonder what we might have done to provoke the problem. Our past gives us a disastrous tendency to think against ourselves – and give an unnatural degree of credit to the other. 

We can’t disappoint anyone

Looking after ourselves requires a rare skill: a capacity to disappoint another person in the name of our own protection. 

To remain sane, we may have to decline a friend’s suggestion – and in love, upset someone else substantially. 

To someone who doesn’t possess a full tank of inner love, how dare one turn down the love of another, even if it comes wrapped in tricky or poisonous elements? 

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Communication needs improvement if:
  • You are having trouble getting through to your spouse; you talk about the same issue over and over again without coming to an agreement.
  • You seem unable to have a decent conversation...
Just Communicate

It is difficult to discuss some sensitive subjects, and we are tempted to avoid them. Other times we simply expect our partners to know what we are doing, thinking or what we want.

It is much better to get things out in the open regularly rather than waiting to have big rows that might damage your relationship.

Listen actively

Be curious about your partner’s point of view rather than trying to anticipate every situation. Active listening involves:

  • Paying attention to your partner.
  • Tolerating your silence.
  • Paying attention to your partner’s nonverbal communication.
  • Reflecting and paraphrasing what your partner is saying: I hear you say you feel angry when I ….. Is that what you are saying?

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Practice self-care as individuals
Your disappointments in your partner often reflect your disappointments in yourself. Your acceptance of your partner often reflects your acceptance of yourself. 
Thus, the first step to hav...
Stand together
Don’t let outsiders run your relationship for you. If you’re having an issue with your partner, work it out with THEM and no one else.  
The relationship is unique

Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s – not your parent’s, friend’s, coworker’s, or that random couple whose relationship seems perfect.  Keep in mind that all relationships have their ups and downs.

Focus on what you two share, and make your unique bond the best it can be.

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Intellectual intimacy

What is meant by the definition of intellectual intimacy: being on the same wavelength, 'getting' each other, being able and enjoying talking ‘til all hour...

Emotional closeness

When you are emotionally close, it means you are vulnerable. You let your guard down and feel safe doing so. When you feel this kind of closeness, you can tell each other anything and feel accepted. You both can “feel” what the other person is feeling.

Spiritual bond

When you form a spiritual bond, you both understand each other’s spiritual quest and beliefs. You allow the relationship to have a spiritual competent.

Why do we not harm others, just because it’s the law? No, because we believe life is precious. That is a spiritual bond.

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Make small talk

You communicate a genuine interest when you inquire or listen to the small details that make up your partner’s day. It’s those insignificant moments that make up the reality of our lives.

Shared experiences
We feel closer to others when we can talk about the experiences we have in common. 

Words are not necessary for shared feelings to improve a relationship. Just doing something at the same time—riding bikes, watching a movie, or eating dessert, intensifies both pleasant and unpleasant experiences.

Listen carefully
Knowing that you are being heard is one of the experiences most likely to cement a feeling of connection to another. 

Use a technique called “active listening” - a form of listening in which you acknowledge that you understand what is being said. 

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