Responding To Urgency
Stay-in-love couples are authentic, open, and self-reliant, but they also urgently need one another at times. They trust each other won’t take advantage of their availability but know that when urgency calls, their partner will rapidly respond. Their mutual goals are to resolve and to reconnect, leaving distress behind as soon as possible.
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Honest and authentic couples accept that there will be disagreement and know that, worked through successfully, it can add interest and intrigue to a relationship. They also know that unresolved repeated conflicts can threaten and ultimately damage relationships.
They focus on understanding why they disagreed and how to better handle it, instead of seeking to be right.
Stay-in-love partners know that the need to feel in control at times is natural and that it offers an opportunity for learning and helping each other. Partners have confidence in their own autonomy to not react defensively or take it personally.
As relationships mature, many begin to feel less willing to give that kind of unconditional nurturing, and might not be as available.
Stay-in-love couples understand the importance of not letting those special “sweet spots” die. They know that their partner sometimes needs to feel that guaranteed comfort and safety, and are more than willing to act as the good parent when asked.
Good partners honor the other’s feelings and thoughts, especially when trying to work through difficult emotional issues.
Stay-in-love couples don’t ignore a partner who wants to connect for any reason. Even when distracted or preoccupied, they try to understand what their partner needs, and decide together how they should handle it.
During a conflict, many blame their partner for what's wrong but find hard to look at their role in it amidst strong emotions.
Stay-in-love couples know that their partner’s views must be respected and honored, however different they are. They strive to understand and find a truth that allows for both.
Merging your own ever-shifting life, needs and wants with those of another person takes work if it is to succeed.
How much work it actually takes might ebb and flow, but expect to invest attention and work even in the best of times.
The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth. The truth is, trying to resolve a conflict can sometimes create more problems than it fixes.
Some conflict is inevitable and there will always be certain things you don’t like about your partner or things you don’t agree with, and that this is fine. You shouldn’t let some disagreements get in the way of what is otherwise a happy and healthy relationship.
Correctly “reading” the signs of commitment in a potential long-term partner is crucial. When you don’t get solid information about commitment as things progress, you can miss important signs of unequal commitment and end up in a bad relationship.
If you are searching for lasting love, challenge yourself to be on the lookout for meaningful signs of love and commitment. But remember you might not be an objective observer, it might be wise to ask trusted friends or family what they see and what would count for them.
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