Stay-in-love couples are authentic, open, and self-reliant, but they also urgently need one another at times. They trust each other won’t take advantage of their availability but know that when urgency calls, their partner will rapidly respond. Their mutual goals are to resolve and to reconnect, leaving distress behind as soon as possible.
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Stay-in-love partners know that the need to feel in control at times is natural and that it offers an opportunity for learning and helping each other. Partners have confidence in their own autonomy to not react defensively or take it personally.
As relationships mature, many begin to feel less willing to give that kind of unconditional nurturing, and might not be as available.
Stay-in-love couples understand the importance of not letting those special “sweet spots” die. They know that their partner sometimes needs to feel that guaranteed comfort and safety, and are more than willing to act as the good parent when asked.
Good partners honor the other’s feelings and thoughts, especially when trying to work through difficult emotional issues.
Stay-in-love couples don’t ignore a partner who wants to connect for any reason. Even when distracted or preoccupied, they try to understand what their partner needs, and decide together how they should handle it.
During a conflict, many blame their partner for what's wrong but find hard to look at their role in it amidst strong emotions.
Stay-in-love couples know that their partner’s views must be respected and honored, however different they are. They strive to understand and find a truth that allows for both.
Honest and authentic couples accept that there will be disagreement and know that, worked through successfully, it can add interest and intrigue to a relationship. They also know that unresolved repeated conflicts can threaten and ultimately damage relationships.
They focus on understanding why they disagreed and how to better handle it, instead of seeking to be right.
A good romantic relationship is not the only relationship you need. This might be true if both of you are massively co-dependent but assuming you’re not, one person asserting this to his or her partner is either an attempt to control that person or just sheer ignorance about our basic psychological need for friendship and community.
Not only are we capable of finding multiple people attractive and interesting at the same time, but it’s a biological inevitability.
What isn’t an inevitability are our choices to act on it or not.
A healthy relationship includes two givers, who each give to each other and the relationship in small ways that matter. These small sacrifices are day-to-day indicators that a person is willing to put the partner or relationship first.
If you are seeing someone and considering a future together, ask yourself if you see evidence that they can put aside what they want at times for what is best for you.