We come out of our family of origin with a blueprint of how we attach to others. The closer someone is to another person, the greater the likelihood that their attachment style can become challenged, and that the strains will bring out their worst qualities, such as jealousy, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/anger">anger</a>, and enmeshment, often leading to self-sabotaging behavior.
Many people can re-work how they attach in adulthood and thrive in romantic relationships.

Understand your attachment style

If specific themes continue to arise, at some point it could be helpful to speak to your partner. They can be an asset, as they can help you point out self-sabotaging behaviors as they arise.

Learn to communicate

Insecurity in relationships is inevitable because everybody has issues to work on.It’s critical to know what yours are. With this insight, a person can then stop negative behaviors, learn to tolerate the discomfort, and engage in alternative and more healthy behavior.

Be mindful of your behavior

Our strong emotional reactions can be our best clues to unfinished business from our past. The next time you experience a reaction that you suspect may be out of proportion from what you identify as the triggering event, take a moment to pause before responding.

Decipher the past from the present

<div>Cultivating self-compassion is essential for those who struggle with low self-esteem, especially when this manifests in relationships. Seeking a therapist as a collaborator is a helpful way to begin healing from past hurts, finding self-acceptance, and moving closer to lasting and fulfilling love.</div>

Self-care and self-compassion

Journal about the experiences in your relationship that trigger behaviors you experience as self-sabotaging. Ask yourself: What was happening? What did you feel at the time? What were you afraid of? How likely is it that the outcome you feared would happen?Having an awareness of what triggers these behaviors can prepare us for the inevitable conflicts that arise.

Identify your triggers

Romantic relationships offer some of life's greatest joys. They can also cause great pain. As we open ourselves up to another person, we leave ourselves vulnerable to rejection and abandonment, thus fueling some of our deepest insecurities. For many, especially those who have experienced childhood trauma or unstable familial relationships, such insecurities can lead to self-sabotaging behavior.