Signs of a codependent relationship

  • Are you or your partner always worried that the other will break off the relationship?
  • Do you need constant assurance that you are loved?
  • Do you or your partner come up with little tests to get attention from the other?
  • Do you or your partner threaten to leave just so you can be begged to stay?
  • Do you or your partner define yourselves by the relationship? Do you have difficulty being alone?
  • Is there a lot of tension or intensity in your relationship, and do either of you secretly enjoy the 'drama' of frequent break-ups and reunions?

If you answered 'Yes' to even a few of these questions, you are probably in a codependent relationship.

@matthewyi40

Love & Family

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Codependency

Codependency essentially happens when one person is sacrificing more for their relationship than the other.

In a healthy relationship it's normal to depend on your partner for comfort and support. But there's a balance between each partner's ability to be independent and their ability to enjoy mutual help.

Filling in the gaps

The first sign of codependency will involve one person starting to take on the responsibility to keep in touch and connect while the other partner pulls back in how much time, effort, and care they are giving.

As soon as this happens, the relationship has shifted in an unhealthy direction towards codependency.

'Fixing' your partner

Codependent personalities tend to thrive on helping others (or even thinking they may 'fix' them). When caring for another person stops you from having your own needs met or if your self-worth is dependent on being needed, you may be heading down the codependent path.

You lose all your boundaries

Boundaries are useful with people you care about, but in a codependent person's heart, 'boundaries' is a very negative word. 

They think 'the moment I care about you, I drop all my boundaries'. In other words, you give more credence to their story than to yours.

Your own independent life

It's important to bond with your partner but to also maintain your own life. You don't want to become so dependent on someone else that you lose who you are, or that essence that makes you unique. 
Schedule date nights but also nights with friends or nights alone to unwind.

Losing contact with friends or family

When you start losing contact with those who are important to you, it is a sign something is not quite right. 

You need to be really mindful of that because otherwise, you become increasingly codependent on your partner and so when if you decide they aren't good for you, you look around and there are no friends and no hobbies.

Asking for approval

An early sign of a codependent relationship may be the need to get approval or permission to do basic everyday living, or if you feel you can't make a simple decision without that person.

Your partner has unhealthy habits

One early sign of a codependent relationship is when one person repeatedly engages in an unhealthy behavior, such as consistently drinking until they pass out or binge eating until they feel sick, and the other person either joins them in it, even though he or she does not actually like to drink or binge eat or encourages it for their own reasons.

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