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Experts say codependent relationships are damaging - here are 8 warning signs you're in one
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Codependency
Codependency essentially happens when one person is sacrificing more for their relationship than the other.
In a healthy relationship it's normal to depend on your partner for comfort and support. But there's a balance between each partner's ability to be independent and their ability to enjoy mutual help.
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Filling in the gaps
The first sign of codependency will involve one person starting to take on the responsibility to keep in touch and connect while the other partner pulls back in how much time, effort, and care they are giving.
As soon as this happens, the relationship has shifted in an unhealthy direction towards codependency.
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'Fixing' your partner
Codependent personalities tend to thrive on helping others (or even thinking they may 'fix' them). When caring for another person stops you from having your own needs met or if your self-worth is dependent on being needed, you may be heading down the codependent path.
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You lose all your boundaries
Boundaries are useful with people you care about, but in a codependent person's heart, 'boundaries' is a very negative word.
They think 'the moment I care about you, I drop all my boundaries'. In other words, you give more credence to their story than to yours.
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Your own independent life
It's important to bond with your partner but to also maintain your own life. You don't want to become so dependent on someone else that you lose who you are, or that essence that makes you unique.
Schedule date nights but also nights with friends or nights alone to unwind.
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Losing contact with friends or family
When you start losing contact with those who are important to you, it is a sign something is not quite right.
You need to be really mindful of that because otherwise, you become increasingly codependent on your partner and so when if you decide they aren't good for you, you look around and there are no friends and no hobbies.
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Asking for approval
An early sign of a codependent relationship may be the need to get approval or permission to do basic everyday living, or if you feel you can't make a simple decision without that person.
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Your partner has unhealthy habits
One early sign of a codependent relationship is when one person repeatedly engages in an unhealthy behavior, such as consistently drinking until they pass out or binge eating until they feel sick, and the other person either joins them in it, even though he or she does not actually like to drink or binge eat or encourages it for their own reasons.
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Signs of a codependent relationship
- Are you or your partner always worried that the other will break off the relationship?
- Do you need constant assurance that you are loved?
- Do you or your partner come up with little tests to get attention from the other?
- Do you or your partner threaten to leave just so you can be begged to stay?
- Do you or your partner define yourselves by the relationship? Do you have difficulty being alone?
- Is there a lot of tension or intensity in your relationship, and do either of you secretly enjoy the 'drama' of frequent break-ups and reunions?
If you answered 'Yes' to even a few of these questions, you are probably in a codependent relationship.
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Dropping “Hints”
It shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another.
State your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not ne...
Holding the Relationship Hostage
For example, if someone feels like you’ve been cold to them, instead of saying, “I feel like you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say, “I can’t date someone who is cold to me."
It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself.
Blaming Your Partner
... for your own emotions. This is a subtle form of selfishness and a classic example of the poor maintenance of personal boundaries. Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for theirs.
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Key Ideas
The five love languages
The idea is: we all express and feel love differently, and understanding those differences can seriously help your relationships.
We all show affection in different ways. These “languag...
The five love languages, in a nutshell
- Words of affirmation: Expressing affection through spoken affection, praise or appreciation.
- Acts of service: Actions, rather than words, are used to show and receive love.
- Receiving gifts: Gifting is symbolic of love and affection.
- Quality time: Expressing affection with undivided, undistracted attention.
- Physical touch: It can range from having sex to holding hands. With this love language, the speaker feels affection through physical touch.
Love languages for non-romantic relationships
The concept of love languages helps pretty much any relationship - it’s useful to understand what matters to people.
It all comes down to knowing what’s important to people so you can understand, empathize and work with them a little better.
We all have different life experiences; we come from different backgrounds. It makes sense that we communicate differently, too.
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Key Ideas
Relationship app
A relationship app helps people to communicate.
- It can remind people to regularly connect during the day.
- It can be helpful to spark meaningful conversations for people who...
How relationship apps work
A relationship app does little things like sending you reminders to text your partner an expression of gratitude at a certain time of day. It can also guide you through how to start a conversation about, for instance, infidelity.
A relationship app is like a third, neutral party: It shows where a couple's needs and priorities differ. One app combines audio tracks and articles about psychology and marriage health, then translates them into exercises.
The shift in optimizing personal lives
People have started to approach their personal lives like a business.
Marriage spreadsheets can collect and analyze data on everything that might affect the quality of life - for instance, household chores, alone time or hours slept.Applications can act as a manager for children's time, or organize to-do lists and goals.