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The Ugly Truth About Online Dating

Avoiding Scams

  • If something feels off, trust your gut.
  • Be wary of anything asking for financial or personal information.
  • Set up an anonymous email account from a widely used email service.
  • Never give out your home phone, address or personal email address unless you absolutely trust the recipient.
  • Drive yourself to the date (protects your address), keep an eye on your drink/food and pay half of the bill.

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The Ugly Truth About Online Dating

The Ugly Truth About Online Dating

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-mating-game/201609/the-ugly-truth-about-online-dating

psychologytoday.com

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Key Ideas

Male Perception Of Dating Apps

Many men assume that women dating
online are interested in sleeping with strangers.

Online dating allows us to meet others we wouldn’t otherwise, but women should be aware that they probably will receive rude/disgusting, sexual and creepy messages from guys.

Avoiding Scams

  • If something feels off, trust your gut.
  • Be wary of anything asking for financial or personal information.
  • Set up an anonymous email account from a widely used email service.
  • Never give out your home phone, address or personal email address unless you absolutely trust the recipient.
  • Drive yourself to the date (protects your address), keep an eye on your drink/food and pay half of the bill.

Online Relationships Don’t Usually Last

  • Over one-third of online dating sites users have never actually gone on a date with someone they met online
  • Relationships that start online are 28% more likely to end in their first year than relationships where the couples first met face-to-face.
  • Couples who met online are nearly three times as likely to get divorced as couples that met face-to-face.

Online Dating Makes You Picky

Researchers say reviewing multiple candidates causes people to be more judgmental and inclined to dismiss a not-quite-perfect candidate than they otherwise would in a face-to-face meeting.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Data On Online Dating
  • 40% of Americans use online dating as a way to meet new people.
  • 23% of Americans still think using online dating sites is desperate.
Data On Online Daters
  • 53% of Americans lie in their profiles. Women tend to post younger photos of themselves and claim to be thinner, while men tend to lie about their careers.
  • Even on apps known as being for "hook up", most females are looking for a genuine match and not a fling.
  • Two-thirds of online daters have gone out with someone they were matched with.
  • One-third of people who have used online dating have never actually gone on a date. 
Data On Relationships Started Online
  • Relationships that begin online are nearly 30% more likely to break down than ones where couples met face-to-face first.
  • 20% of committed relationships began online.
  • Marriages from online couples are three times as likely to end in divorce.
  • 17% of couples that were married in the last year met on a dating website. 

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Don’t Say What You Don’t Mean
Don’t Say What You Don’t Mean

When we meet someone we fancy online, it’s tempting to become an effusive people-pleaser in the hope that your affections will be reciprocated.

Going overboard with the compliments early o...

Don’t Lie About Yourself

Men are most likely to lie about their occupations on dating apps, whereas women tend to use old pictures or heavily edited recent ones.

Most lies people tell on dating apps aim to portray them in a way they think the other person will deem attractive. But tailoring your online image will set your date up for disappointment.

Don’t Use Emojis

Research indicates that only 8% of people think sending an emoji message will get you a reply in the first instance. It gives the impression that you have a small vocabulary and are lazy.

Try and start out with at least a sentence or two, ideally including a question the person can answer you. Basically you want to invite a conversation, not merely state your presence.

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Internet And Marriage

At least one-third of all marriages in the U. S. are now between partners who met online and researchers say online meeting-based marriages happen more quickly after the first date.

The Non-Divisive Effect

Before the Internet, dating was mostly restricted by one’s social and geographical limitations with friends of friends being the most common method of introduction. The Internet pairs couples that wouldn’t even meet otherwise.

Research also indicates that you're more likely to date someone from a different race if you're dating online, by a factor of about 7 percent. 

Combating Social Stratification

There's a troubling trend towards exclusive, private membership-based dating apps that only allow very rich or very popular people, essentially creating a dating bubble that socially isolates people by class.

By using less restrictive apps we have the widest possible pools of potential dates, rather than aspiring to something more exclusive, we're keeping ourselves open to more random love connections that cut across lines of race and class and everything else that divides us. We're doing our part to keep society more open, less stratified. 

The right place for your first rendez-vous

When choosing the right place for your first date, take into account the risk that things might not work miraculously well from the first try. Therefore, better go for simple places, like pubs, for...

Keep the conversation going

If you are planning your first date with somebody, make sure to pay a special attention to the topics you want to engage in throughout the date. Keep the conversation smart and the exchange of experiences alive.

Shape your mindset

When going on a first date, make sure your mindset is a positive one, no matter what your previous dating experiences felt like. Embrace the fear of a possible failure while hoping for a pleasant outcome.

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Online Dating: A History
Online Dating: A History

Online dating didn’t really begin with the advent of the internet.

The need to communicate to other human beings for love, companionship and sex goes back centuries, with each new technolog...

The First Personal Ads

With the advent of the modern newspaper in 1690, it took a mere five years for the first personal ads to appear in Britain.

One of the very first personal ads was from a 30-year-old man who was seeking young women with a good personal fortune.

Forbidden Affairs

LGBT communities took to the discreet personal ads, as homosexuality was banned in the UK till as late as 1967.

The 1700s saw the first ads with coded words, female names as an attempt to find companionship, forbidden by society.

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Online dating apps

Lots of dating apps and websites claim to be able to use data to sort through profiles for better matches. But scientists and journalists can't investigate their claims, as the algorithms are the i...

Predicting romantic desire

The things that are needed to be able to predict romantic desire.

  • Actor desire. How choosy people are.
  • Partner desire or average attractiveness.
  • Compatibility: Researchers measured compatibility by subtracting choosiness and attractiveness from dater's scores of romantic interest.
Compatibility prediction

To account for research failure, it is believed that when two people actually meet, they form a shared dynamic that is more than the sum of its parts. Their individual preferences do not make up the substance of what they would find attractive.

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Take Your Time Making Choices

Online dating greatly increases your pool of potential suitors. But the excess of choice might make you overlook good candidates.

Personal growth helps in making long-term relationships wo...

How To Portray Yourself

You should like your photos but they should accurately depict your physical appearance. Well perceived pictures often feature a genuine smile (one that makes your eyes start to crinkle up) and a slight head tilt.

Briefly write what’s distinctive and interesting about you and what you’re looking for. Ideally, dedicate 70% for the former and 30% for the latter.

Choosing The Right Dating Apps

Research shows that people tend to fall for others similar to themselves. Being honest about yourself and your needs increases the odds that you will meet compatible people.

Besides being honest, you should consider an app’s target demographic and use the apps that fit your needs well. 

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Love at first sight...or not

When choosing our partner, looks play a decisive role. Research has shown that features such as symmetrical faces, good health, or female traits (when it comes to women) might prove quite essential...

The language style on a date

While physical attraction will never cease to be an essential component of a relationship, it does have strong competition when talking about communication. 

The fact that both partners share the same language style can only have positive effects on their future together. Language is also a sure means to see if somebody is having the time of their life or just another wasted evening.

Your partner's personal signature

Whenever you go on a date, you tend to pay attention to some aspects more than to others. Therefore, individuals find themselves judging the person across the table by taking into account his or her smell, hairiness, taste of their kiss, and so on. 

All these do not only provide one with important information about the person's lifestyle, but they also say more than enough about their health and personal habit. So you better pay attention to these details next time you are on a date, as they behave like the other one's signature.

Dating In The Pandemic
Dating In The Pandemic

In these unprecedented and strange times, planning ahead seems impossible due to the uncertainty around and the doomsday scenarios in the news.
Initiating and navigating a new relationship now h...

Lockdown In A New Relationship

Being in Lockdown or in a quarantine complicates dating in unexpected ways, raises some previously unheard questions (like who’s got a more ‘apocalypse’ friendly place) and makes partners feel as if they are already in the boring part of a relationship without any of the initial romance or spark.

Love During Quarantine
  • Constantly sharing updates about the pandemic with your new partner is not a good idea.
  • Social distancing etiquette (hello elbow bumps) may feel awkward, and FaceTime video chats can feel a bit too intimate and over-the-top after a while, as the other person is still a practical stranger.

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Couples living apart
Couples living apart

In 2000, a government survey showed that about 2.7 million married Americans lived apart from their spouse. The number rose to about 3.9 million in 2017.

Long-distance relationship...

The evolution of romantic communication
  • Before video-chat and long-distance phone calls, written correspondence was used to exchange meaningful information. The goal was to write about the most important things that had happened since the last letter.
  • Although the telephone was invented in the mid-19th century, it was only used for long-distance relationships in the 1970s, when the cost of phoning for pleasure instead of just business became affordable.
  • The next major development in romantic communication was the internet. Email, instant messaging, and video-chatting were affordable for couples to share even the smallest details.
  • Many couples today do "background Skype" where everyday living comes to the surface and add to a level of intimacy.
The pressure to live apart

In the past, couples were more likely to accommodate only one partner's job - mostly the man's. But today, couples have dual-incomes, are well educated, professionally minded, and pursuing careers in separate places. It is contributing to the rise in long-distance relationships.

The pressure to live apart for work is worse for younger couples who are still establishing careers.

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