Avoiding Voicing Dissatisfaction
The beginning of a relationship sets future expectations about the roles you each will play, your initiative levels, communication styles, and other relationship dynamics.
When you don’t voice your dissatisfaction, your partner may interpret your silence as acceptance and grow to expect it, which perpetuates the situation.
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Relationships "meant to be" don't just work out. Relationships need to be actively managed otherwise your mutual passivity and lack of effort may doom it.
Faulty sexual expectations often cause dissatisfaction. If one partner believes the frequency of sex in relationships should be different they may wrongly conclude that something is wrong with the relationship.
The frequency of sex depends on the sex drive of both partners, circumstances, and opportunities. And those are fluid things that only you and your partner can discuss and set.
Your partner can tell if you are upset but they’ve probably done a thousand things to upset you over the years, so figuring out which of them is the culprit this time is a risky proposition.
Don’t stew and wait for them to confess. Just telling them why you’re upset will save you both time and aggravation.
A good romantic relationship is not the only relationship you need. This might be true if both of you are massively co-dependent but assuming you’re not, one person asserting this to his or her partner is either an attempt to control that person or just sheer ignorance about our basic psychological need for friendship and community.
It’s scientifically established that what matters is not if coupes argue but how they argue.
Productive arguments avoid escalation and result in effective problem-solving and mutually agreed on takeaways for dealing with similar situations in the future.
Loving your partner's flaws is not always realistic. Some people have habits that are slightly disgusting and impossible to "love."
Simply accepting them and learning how to shrug them off and minimize their importance is much more realistic.
Having a baby is the most stressful thing you could possibly do to a relationship. Marital satisfaction almost always dips after the birth of a couple’s first child; account for that when doing family planning.
If you’re having problems a baby won’t make them disappear, so deal with them directly.
Merging your own ever-shifting life, needs and wants with those of another person takes work if it is to succeed.
How much work it actually takes might ebb and flow, but expect to invest attention and work even in the best of times.
The context might be such that you just can’t solve a problem before bed. Be realistic and settle for an agreement to never go to bed without at least deciding when to continue the discussion or argument.
Also, some people actually need to cool down before they can continue a productive discussion, so taking a break could be wise.
If you believe in that myth, you’re not going to take the responsibility required to create a great relationship.
You have to be ready and willing to work for your relationship. It doesn’t just happen; it takes effort and determination.
Arguments and disagreements in relationships are normal, but screaming matches and every day fighting isn’t.
People who seek out conflict in their relationship for the intense reconciliation are often addicted to the dopamine that they get after the fight is over – which isn’t healthy for either person.
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