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Compatibility and Chemistry in Relationships

Healthy and Toxic Combinations

Chemistry and compatibility do not necessarily appear together. 

  • A relationship with high compatibility but a little chemistry may be boring but convenient.
  • A relationship with chemistry but without compatibility usually leads to disaster. This relationship ignores logic - it’s the person who you know is bad for you but you just can’t stop seeing.
  • The sweet spot is a relationship with both compatibility and chemistry. 

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Compatibility and Chemistry in Relationships

Compatibility and Chemistry in Relationships

https://markmanson.net/compatibility-and-chemistry

markmanson.net

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Key Ideas

Compatibility vs Chemistry

Compatibility is a natural alignment of lifestyle choices and moral values between two people.
Chemistry portrays the emotional bond present when you’re with someone and usually come from opposite yet complementary qualities in people.

What creates strong chemistry

Chemistry is made up of subtle behaviors and dispositions that are felt by both parties equally.

It could be the way someone laughs at your jokes or the way they talk to you or help you. The absence of chemistry is normally displayed in the lack of emotional intensity.

Compatibility between people

High compatibility between people comes from the similarities in their lifestyles and values. 
Educated people usually date other educated people. Religious people usually date other religious people. People that are not compatible normally repel one another.

Healthy and Toxic Combinations

Chemistry and compatibility do not necessarily appear together. 

  • A relationship with high compatibility but a little chemistry may be boring but convenient.
  • A relationship with chemistry but without compatibility usually leads to disaster. This relationship ignores logic - it’s the person who you know is bad for you but you just can’t stop seeing.
  • The sweet spot is a relationship with both compatibility and chemistry. 

Understand what you want

The first question you should ask yourself is what type of person do you want?
  • What makes a person compatible to you? 
  • What personality traits have chemistry with you?

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Chemistry vs. compatibility
  • Compatibility refers to the similarities between lifestyles and values that form the relationship without too much forcing or compromising on anyone’s part.
  • Chemistry
Judging people

Don't judge someone by the information they put in an online profile. They may look like a perfect fit, but lack the chemistry when you finally meet in person.

Similarly, it can be easy to write someone off because your ideals don't match on paper. Who's to know if you won't have chemistry in real life?

Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is an area of psychology that describes the nature of emotional attachment between people, starting with your parents. The quality of how well you were cared for will then influen...

Secure Attachment Style
  • People with this style are comfortable showing interest and affection. 
  • They are comfortable being alone and independent.
  • They can correctly prioritize their relationships.
  • They are able to draw clear boundaries and stick with them.

50% of the population is secure attachment types.

Anxious Attachment Style
  • They are often nervous and stressed about their relationships.
  • They need constant reassurance and affection from their partners.
  • They have trouble being alone or single.
  • They are often in unhealthy or abusive relationships.
  • They have trouble trusting people.
  • Their behavior can be irrational and overly emotional.

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The building blocks of a relationship

The building blocks of any relationship rest on compatibility and chemistry. All relationships have a combination of these qualities to a more or lesser extent.

Compatibility

Compatibility can be described as being together without conflict.

Two people can fit like a glove both conversationally and psychologically. For some, that connection alone can be enough to be happy and thrive.

Chemistry in a relationship

Chemistry is a complex emotional or psychological interaction. It is a natural rhythm between two people that cannot be forced or created.

While some people are content with a relationship that is compatible, others feel an intense desire for that chemistry. Figure out what feels right to you in a relationship and strive for that.

Chemistry and the different personality types

It very often happens that we fall in love, while feeling uncontrollably attracted to, with individuals who end up breaking our hearts. Anthropologists found four personality types, as follows:

...
The lows and highs of chemistry

Feeling chemistry with someone can lead not only to successful relationships, but also to major traumatic experiences. Not being able to put your needs first, while accepting their drawbacks, only because you are immensely attracted to that person, can actually break your spirit.

Choosing right your partner

According to dating experts, what makes the difference between a successful and an unsuccessful relationship is the trust, intimacy and, most especially, the willingness of each partner to meet the other one's needs. Therefore, next time you feel attracted to someone, try to also observe their reactions whenever you express your feelings or needs. This will be a major indicator of the success of your relationship.

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Ontology
Ontology

This is a branch of philosophy that deals with the questions of being and identity.

Ontological psychologists and social scientists start with examining our self in social...

Self-help vs Social science

Self-help literature, like information, exists as raw, uncurated, unexamined information, while social science is like knowledge, beginning with the aggregated data and the processes of thinking, developed and updated over time.

Myopic points of view

Many best seller self-help books like the much-celebrated How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie, written way back in 1936 provide a personal view of influencing and persuading others, which has later been proved to be ineffective.
This is because many of these books are detached from various social and economical facts, offering a myopic view of the world.

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Network Effects

Network effects are the unseen forces that are guiding our destiny and exerting a powerful intervention on our lives, creating energy that escorts us down a path that is not always fully our intent...

Zipf's Law

Zipf's law is a mathematical probability that states that in a given set, the most frequently used data value (or word) is used twice as often as the next most common value. This is true in various statistical sets like income distribution in companies, internet traffic, phone calls received, and language.

One of the implications of this law is there are unconscious network forces and mathematical patterns governing our lives, with human beings just being nodes exchanging information.

Dinner Party Mathematics

When six to eight people are conversing at a dinner party, it is easy to focus on one conversation, but if the number is higher (say 15), then two-way conversations are more likely.

When groups get larger, the change is exponential, not linear, affecting one's social experience.

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The right place for your first rendez-vous

When choosing the right place for your first date, take into account the risk that things might not work miraculously well from the first try. Therefore, better go for simple places, like pubs, for...

Keep the conversation going

If you are planning your first date with somebody, make sure to pay a special attention to the topics you want to engage in throughout the date. Keep the conversation smart and the exchange of experiences alive.

Shape your mindset

When going on a first date, make sure your mindset is a positive one, no matter what your previous dating experiences felt like. Embrace the fear of a possible failure while hoping for a pleasant outcome.

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5 Tips to Feel Confident
  • Let your body do the talking. Body language and facial expressions can be just as important as your words. Your posture is key. 
  • Be mindful of your tone of voice. Yo...
Online dating apps

Lots of dating apps and websites claim to be able to use data to sort through profiles for better matches. But scientists and journalists can't investigate their claims, as the algorithms are the i...

Predicting romantic desire

The things that are needed to be able to predict romantic desire.

  • Actor desire. How choosy people are.
  • Partner desire or average attractiveness.
  • Compatibility: Researchers measured compatibility by subtracting choosiness and attractiveness from dater's scores of romantic interest.
Compatibility prediction

To account for research failure, it is believed that when two people actually meet, they form a shared dynamic that is more than the sum of its parts. Their individual preferences do not make up the substance of what they would find attractive.

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Take some time off and let it out

It’s probably best not to suppress or hold back one’s emotions, especially immediately after a breakup. 

However, the emotions can be so intense that they may not be appropriate for publ...

Listen to sad music

In the short term, it might reinforce or flare up painful memories, but it also normalizes the grief you are feeling so that you know you're not alone.

Talk to supportive people

Family and friends can help, but make sure you recognize their limits as well. 

You may decide that professional help may provide a more neutral and long-lasting perspective. They can also point out deeper patterns of behavior or thinking.

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