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Compatibility and Chemistry in Relationships

https://markmanson.net/compatibility-and-chemistry

markmanson.net

Compatibility and Chemistry in Relationships
Compatibility and chemistry are mostly ignored by dating advice because they're things that can't be faked or changed. Instead, we spend most of our time studying self-improvement, presentation, and the technical mastery of social minutiae, all in an attempt to excel at the sales job of our romantic and sexual services to possible partners.

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Compatibility vs Chemistry

Compatibility vs Chemistry
Compatibility is a natural alignment of lifestyle choices and moral values between two people.
Chemistry portrays the emotional bond present when you’re with someone and usually come from opposite yet complementary qualities in people.

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What creates strong chemistry

Chemistry is made up of subtle behaviors and dispositions that are felt by both parties equally.

It could be the way someone laughs at your jokes or the way they talk to you or help you. The absence of chemistry is normally displayed in the lack of emotional intensity.

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Compatibility between people

High compatibility between people comes from the similarities in their lifestyles and values. 
Educated people usually date other educated people. Religious people usually date other religious people. People that are not compatible normally repel one another.

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Healthy and Toxic Combinations

Chemistry and compatibility do not necessarily appear together. 

  • A relationship with high compatibility but a little chemistry may be boring but convenient.
  • A relationship with chemistry but without compatibility usually leads to disaster. This relationship ignores logic - it’s the person who you know is bad for you but you just can’t stop seeing.
  • The sweet spot is a relationship with both compatibility and chemistry. 

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Understand what you want

The first question you should ask yourself is what type of person do you want?
  • What makes a person compatible to you? 
  • What personality traits have chemistry with you?

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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

The building blocks of a relationship

The building blocks of any relationship rest on compatibility and chemistry. All relationships have a combination of these qualities to a more or lesser extent.

Compatibility

Compatibility can be described as being together without conflict.

Two people can fit like a glove both conversationally and psychologically. For some, that connection alone can be enough to be happy and thrive.

Chemistry in a relationship

Chemistry is a complex emotional or psychological interaction. It is a natural rhythm between two people that cannot be forced or created.

While some people are content with a relationship that is compatible, others feel an intense desire for that chemistry. Figure out what feels right to you in a relationship and strive for that.

Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is an area of psychology that describes the nature of emotional attachment between people, starting with your parents. The quality of how well you were cared for will then influen...

Secure Attachment Style

  • People with this style are comfortable showing interest and affection. 
  • They are comfortable being alone and independent.
  • They can correctly prioritize their relationships.
  • They are able to draw clear boundaries and stick with them.

50% of the population is secure attachment types.

Anxious Attachment Style

  • They are often nervous and stressed about their relationships.
  • They need constant reassurance and affection from their partners.
  • They have trouble being alone or single.
  • They are often in unhealthy or abusive relationships.
  • They have trouble trusting people.
  • Their behavior can be irrational and overly emotional.

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Chemistry vs. compatibility

  • Compatibility refers to the similarities between lifestyles and values that form the relationship without too much forcing or compromising on anyone’s part.
  • Chemistry

Judging people

Don't judge someone by the information they put in an online profile. They may look like a perfect fit, but lack the chemistry when you finally meet in person.

Similarly, it can be easy to write someone off because your ideals don't match on paper. Who's to know if you won't have chemistry in real life?