Understand what you want - Deepstash

Understand what you want

The first question you should ask yourself is what type of person do you want?
  • What makes a person compatible to you? 
  • What personality traits have chemistry with you?

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Compatibility vs Chemistry
Compatibility is a natural alignment of lifestyle choices and moral values between two people.
Chemistry portrays the emotional bond present when you’re with someone and usually come from opposite yet complementary qualities in people.

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Chemistry is made up of subtle behaviors and dispositions that are felt by both parties equally.

It could be the way someone laughs at your jokes or the way they talk to you or help you. The absence of chemistry is normally displayed in the lack of emotional intensity.

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Chemistry and compatibility do not necessarily appear together. 

  • A relationship with high compatibility but a little chemistry may be boring but convenient.
  • A relationship with chemistry but without compatibility usually leads to disaster. This relationship ignores logic - it’s the person who you know is bad for you but you just can’t stop seeing.
  • The sweet spot is a relationship with both compatibility and chemistry. 

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High compatibility between people comes from the similarities in their lifestyles and values. 
Educated people usually date other educated people. Religious people usually date other religious people. People that are not compatible normally repel one another.

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RELATED IDEAS

Chemistry vs. compatibility
  • Compatibility refers to the similarities between lifestyles and values that form the relationship without too much forcing or compromising on anyone’s part.
  • Chemistry is that intangible, unspoken connection that results in feeling excitement and romance. 

In most relationships, both qualities may be present, but one will be of a higher priority than the other.

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Attachment theory is an area of psychology that describes the nature of emotional attachment between people, starting with your parents. The quality of how well you were cared for will then influence the nature of your relationships later in life.

There are four attachment strategies: secure, anxious, avoidant, and anxious-avoidant.

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The building blocks of a relationship

The building blocks of any relationship rest on compatibility and chemistry. All relationships have a combination of these qualities to a more or lesser extent.

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