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7 Signs You're Mistaking Compatibility For Love

There Are No Surprises

Some people fall in love with someone they never thought would be a good fit. 

Be open to date outside of your 'type'. Try and find someone that surprises or challenge you.

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7 Signs You're Mistaking Compatibility For Love

7 Signs You're Mistaking Compatibility For Love

https://www.bustle.com/p/7-signs-youre-mistaking-compatibility-for-love-9038922

bustle.com

7

Key Ideas

Feeling Safe

A relationship based on compatibility can make you feel safe and content. Relying on that feeling can become a problem if you become too dependant on your partner.

Not needing to feel vulnerable

When you're in love, you should be comfortable to reveal your good and not-so-great emotions.

Your Relationship Is "Nice"

If you can only describe your relationship as nice, but it lacks the spark of attraction, it may be difficult to be happy in the long-term. 

There Are No Surprises

Some people fall in love with someone they never thought would be a good fit. 

Be open to date outside of your 'type'. Try and find someone that surprises or challenge you.

You want to change your partner

If you find a list of flaws in your partner that you want to change, you may be focussed on compatibility. 

Love is comfortable in accepting your partner without thinking of ways to change them.

Desiring an ideal relationship

When you are in love, you won't constantly think about what your current relationship is lacking.

If you continually feel that your relationship is missing something, you may need to go find someone who behaves in the way you desire.

You Don't See Them In Your Future

You may have similar views and enjoy doing fun activities together, but this may not be enough to hold your relationship together in the long run.

It is also important to be romantically compatible.

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Getting To The Root Of Your Reluctance

If you find it difficult to share your past experiences, ask yourself why you are reluctant to open up. Getting to the root of the reluctance is key.

Work Out Your Feelings First

Before you talk to your partner about something difficult, find the right words to express it first. Until you can verbalize it, it remains unknown to you and to your partner.

If you do not feel safe enough to talk through these issues, consider journaling, or talking with a counsellor until you are clear about how you are feeling.

Open Up In Small Steps

When you decide to open up, start by taking small steps to test the waters first.

The more you practice and see that you can do it, the easier it will get for you to open up.

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Chemistry vs. compatibility
  • Compatibility refers to the similarities between lifestyles and values that form the relationship without too much forcing or compromising on anyone’s part.
  • Chemistry
Judging people

Don't judge someone by the information they put in an online profile. They may look like a perfect fit, but lack the chemistry when you finally meet in person.

Similarly, it can be easy to write someone off because your ideals don't match on paper. Who's to know if you won't have chemistry in real life?

Love at first sight is based on imagination
Love at first sight is based on imagination

Most people understand love at first sight to be falling in love with a stranger when they see them for the first time. But love at first sight is based on stereotypes, imagination, and ass...

What makes a stranger stand out to you

If you have experienced love at first sight, think what made the stranger stand out to you.

  • Did the person resemble someone you had a relationship with before?
  • Did the person cause you to feel nostalgic about an old friend? If so, that "love" may have been only a subconscious connection, where your brain remembered a positive impact of a previous relationship.
Our subconscious mind connects facial features with characteristics

Knowing this, you may understand why some are certain about the possibility of love at first sight.

But it doesn't make the potential resulting breakup easier. It leaves us feeling like we lost something destiny had intended.

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Codependent vs Interdependent

Codependency in relationships means being overly preoccupied with your partner to the point of losing your own sense of who you are and what you need. 

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Keep Working On Yourself

The key to making your relationship more interdependent is to take stock of your life. Find purpose and meaning outside of your relationship. 

Not only will it make you happier and better as a person, but it may also improve intimacy and passion in your relationship.

Have Regular "Friend Dates"
Counting on your partner to be your person for everything can put a ton of pressure on them. 

It’s healthy to have regular time with your friends without your partner. A little time apart also creates mystique and plays into that tried but true adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

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The Importance Of Commitment Signs

Correctly “reading” the signs of commitment in a potential long-term partner is crucial. When you don’t get solid information about commitment as things progress, you can miss important s...

1. What Does And What Doesn’t Signal Commitment.
The essence of commitment is both parties wanting and planning a future with each other. And that can only be perceived through actions and their context.
Some of the things that people often mistake in isolation for commitment are:
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  • Wanting to have a baby with no other evidence of commitment like, say, marriage.
  • Cohabitation.
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2. Circumstances And Commitment.

For behavior to mean something about commitment, it must be behavior that the person has control over performing. If one's options are limited by the context their intentions cannot be read.

In the context of dating and mating, option constraints on you or your partner, limits the information contained in the choices you make. That means that some may routinely misinterpret the behavior of their partners as a signal of commitment when it isn’t.

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Love doesn't equal compatibility

Falling in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well. 

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Real Life Vs Dream Life

People may not be communicating well about what they want in their partners or may have a lack of awareness, or even a myopic view of their life. Experiencing it for themselves is a better bet to find out what works.

The dreamy idols that make up our early stages of attractions, especially at a young age, do not translate into someone one can spend the entire life with, where mundane activities like picking up groceries and taking care of the kids take precedence over being handsome or inspiring.

Compatibility vs Chemistry
Compatibility is a natural alignment of lifestyle choices and moral values between two people.
Chemistry portrays the
What creates strong chemistry

Chemistry is made up of subtle behaviors and dispositions that are felt by both parties equally.

It could be the way someone laughs at your jokes or the way they talk to you or help you. The absence of chemistry is normally displayed in the lack of emotional intensity.

Compatibility between people

High compatibility between people comes from the similarities in their lifestyles and values. 
Educated people usually date other educated people. Religious people usually date other religious people. People that are not compatible normally repel one another.

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