Learn more about loveandrelationships with this collection
How to overcome unwanted thoughts
How to manage intrusive thoughts
How to change your attitude towards intrusive thoughts
The cultural backdrop
For most of recorded history, people got married for logical pragmatic sorts of reasons.
Since around 1750, we have been living in an era in the history of love that we can call Romanticism where the marriage of reason was replaced with the marriage of feeling.
Love now unfolds against a cultural backdrop that subtly guides us as to where we should place our emotional emphases, what to value, how to approach conflicts, what to get excited about, when to tolerate, and what we can be legitimately incensed by.
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The Romantic template
- Romanticism tells us that a long-term marriage can have all the excitement of a love affair.
- Romanticism proposed that true love must mean an end to all loneliness.
- Romanticism believed that choosing a partner should be about letting oneself be guided by feelings, rather than...
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The Romantic script is delusional
It's normative points include:
- we should meet a person of extraordinary inner and outer beauty and immediately feel a special attraction to them, and they to us
- we should understand one another intuitively
- we don’t need an education in love
- we should have no sec...
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The post-Romantic attitude
Knowing the history of Romanticism should be consoling because it suggests that the problems we have with relationships don’t stem from our ineptitude, inadequacy or choice of a partner.
- It should be normal to discuss money up-front
- We should realise that we are rather flawed
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Romanticism believes feelings rule
For most of recorded history, people had fallen into relationships and married for logical pragmatic sorts of reasons.
Romanticism believes choosing a partner should be about letting oneself be guided by feelings, rather than practical considerations.
It takes a village to feel loved
In history, marriage was a pragmatic institution. A sense of identity was more embedded in community, and not solely in marriage.
The shift to individualism and choice has meant that we feel the need to find our identity in an all-encompassing romantic partnership. We are asking from one pe...
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