Three layers of difficult conversations - Deepstash
Leading in Product Management

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Three layers of difficult conversations

Three layers of difficult conversations

  • The "What happened" layer. What's the story here?
  • The Feelings layer is uncovering how you really feel.
  • The Identify layer ask what does this say about me?

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The Identity Layer

The Identity Layer

In the identity conversation, you start to worry about what the conversation says about you.

Three core identity-related questions we think about:

  • Am I competent?
  • Am I a good person?
  • Am I worthy of love?

You are more likely to ...

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The Feelings Layer

The Feelings Layer

Feelings are at the centre of a difficult conversation. Ignoring emotions can cause resentment, anger, and broken relationships.

There are three steps to expressing feelings in difficult conversations.

  • Get better at uncovering your feelings. Reframe feelings to s...

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Mastering difficult conversations

1.  Start from the third-person perspective.

It helps you create distance to have a broader point of view and to express yourself more objectively.

2.  Listen more intently

Use the SOAR framework

  • Make...

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The "What happened" Layer

Conversations fall apart when we say, "I am right, and you are wrong." This is because we have more information about ourselves than we have about the other person. We know our intent, but we judge their intent based on their action. We also base our deduction on what suits our pre-conceived idea...

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TIM FERRISS

A person’s success in life can be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.

TIM FERRISS

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Managing difficult conversations

Managing difficult conversations

As a Product Manager, you are likely to face many difficult conversations, for example, stopping work that fails to align with top priorities, giving feedback, negotiating roadmaps, and apologising when you took your eye off the ball.

Mastering difficult conversations can g...

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CURATED FROM

CURATED BY

lil_ww

"In fact, the confidence of the people is worth more than money." ~ Carter G. Woodson

Navigating difficult conversations is a skill that gives you Product Management superpowers. It can help you influence, negotiate and lead effectively.

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THREE LAYERS OF BEHAVIOR CHANGE

THREE LAYERS OF BEHAVIOR CHANGE

Our first mistake is that we try to change the wrong thing.

To understand what I mean, consider that there are three levels at which change can occur.

THREE LAYERS OF BEHAVIOR CHANGE 

  1. The first layer is changing your outcomes.
  2. The second layer is changing ...

How to get beyond small talk

Ask open-ended questions that invite people to tell stories, rather than one-word answers.

Instead of "How was your day?" try, "What did you do today?" Other open-ended questions to try:

  • "What's your story?"
  • "What's the ...

Rereading Material

How to really learn: Instead of rereading, highlighting, or underlining important information, ask yourself:

  • ‘What is the author trying to say?’ 
  • 'How is this different than other things I’ve read?’ 
  • 'How does this relate to other material I know?’ ...

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