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Overcoming a Fear of Vulnerability and Love Your Imperfections
How to Love Yourself
- Acknowledge yourself as a whole human being, flaws, imperfections and all.
- Own and embrace your past mistakes.
- Apologize to anyone you feel you have significantly wronged, and then move on.
- Forgive yourself.
- Stop trying to prove your value. You are important.
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Everyone is vulnerable, no matter how much they try to avoid it. We are born vulnerable and stay that way for our entire childhood. Our relationship with vulnerability is something we are acquainted with, yet abandon as we merge into adulthood.
Vulnerability = courage
To embrace vulnerability as your greatest strength, you will need to become aware of your pain points. The paintings of Rembrandt are no less beautiful because of its flaws. It is upon examining it up close that you recognise the defects, while ignoring the complete picture.
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Emotional Regulation
It means having the skills to control your behavior, emotions and thoughts in the pursuit of long-term goals.
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Applying The Power Of Choice
You have to recognize that you have the choice in how you react to situations.
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The STOPP Technique
... to control your emotions:
- S – Stop
- T – Take A Breath
- O – Observe – your thoughts and feelings
- P- Pull Back – put in some perspective – what is the bigger picture?
- P – Practice What Works – Proceed – what is the best thing to do right now?
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Causing unintentional harm
We all cause harm to our partner and the intimacy between us. We make mistakes that are foolish and unintentional and sometimes launch attacks on purpose.
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How to give an apology
A good apology takes two people: the giver and the receiver. An apology that heals is based on kindness, generosity, and compassion.
The recipient accepts it with grace and, in turn, offers forgiveness. Without forgiveness, it cannot heal.
The mindful apology in practice
- Repair: An apology that rebuilds intimacy should have three parts: you need to own the mistake, and then you need to repair the damage. Lastly, you need to vow to improve.
- Forgive: If you have been hurt, you may never completely forget, but you can choose to forgive. To decide to forgive means that you don't relive something that belongs to the past.
- Begin again: Unfinished business will accumulate. Let go of the small and the large wounds, so they don't pile up.