Learn more about communication with this collection
How to close the deal
How to handle objections
How to present your value to your employer
I, Me, Myself
Using a lot of “I, me, mine” words can reflect a neurotic or ruminative self-focus, in natural conversation it often takes the form of hedging (e.g., “I think this might work”). But it also can reflect dominance.
According to researchers, the ideal rank order of personal-pronoun use in negotiation is first: “you,” second: “we,” third: “I,” and fourth: “they.” Your total number of pronouns is a reflection of your social engagement. Also, circle all the verbs (action words) in your email (“work,” “talk,” “meet,” “align,” etc.). These reflect task engagement.
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The Types Of Engagement
According to researchers, three types of engagement can be measured via your words: emotional engagement, social engagement, and task engagement.
Let’s face it: relationship building is more difficult over email than face-to-face. One key to building a relationship vi...
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Putting Pride Aside
People behave differently when they are not face-to-face. They are more negative and, often, more presumptuous, conveying the impression that they are entitled and not easy to work with. This is a problem because excessive pride or hubris harms our ability to locate the sweet spo...
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You And I
As a second step in analyzing your own email communication, count all your pronouns—e.g., “I,” “me,” “you,” “us,” “our,” “we,” etc. Personal pronouns reflect attention to people rather than to objects or concepts.
The more personal pronouns are present, the more people are...
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The Task
Examine at least three exchanges between you and another person, using these three indexes. Are you engaged? Is the other person engaged? On what dimensions: emotional, social, task?
- First, do not begin messages with anything negative. Why? This creates a general gloomy tone...
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Conversational Tones
Think about your e-communication like cholesterol, meaning that there are two kinds of conversational tones: positive and negative.
- Positive-toned communication: phrases such as “This is great,” “I really like . . . ‚” and “Thank you,” through greetings (“Dear so-and...
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