“Things can hurt and not harm us. In fact they can even be good for us. And things that feel good can be very harmful to us.”

"When one person is in control of another, love cannot grow deeply and fully, as there is no freedom.”

“True intimacy is only build around the freedom to disagree.”

When a baby bird is ready to hatch, if you break the egg for the bird, it will die. The bird must peck its own way out of the egg into the world. This aggressive “workout” strengthens the bird, allowing it to function in the outside world. Robbed of this responsibility, it will die.We must not shrink back passively. Our boundaries can only be created by our being active and aggressive, by our knocking, seeking, and asking

#9: The Law of Activity

“Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.”

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."Do not try to get to freedom without owning your reactive period and feelings. You do not need to act this out, but you do need to express the feelings. You need to practice and gain assertiveness. You need to get far enough away from abusive people to be able to fence your property against further invasion. And then you need to own the treasures you find in your soul.

#7: The Law of Proactivity

A boundary is a property line. It defines where you begin and end. We have been discussing why you need such a line. One reason stands above all the others: You do not exist in a vacuum. You exist in relation to God and others. Your boundaries define you in relation to others.The Law of Exposure says that your boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated to them in a relationship.﻿

#10: The Law of Exposure

<ol><li>The Law of Sowing and Reaping</li><li>The Law of Responsibility</li><li>The Law of Power</li><li>The Law of Respect</li><li>The Law of Motivation</li><li>The Law of Evaluation</li><li>The Law of Proactivity</li><li>The Law of Envy</li><li>The Law of Activity</li><li>The Law of Exposure</li></ol>

10 Laws of Boundaries

<ol><li>Say 'NO' to bad</li><li>Avoid saying 'NO' to good.</li><li>Respect other's boundaries (when they say 'NO')</li></ol>

Creating Boundaries

We fear that others will not respect our boundaries. We focus on others and lose clarity about ourselves.If we love and respect people who tell us no, they will love and respect our no. Freedom begets freedom.

#4: The Law of Respect

Many times when people hear a talk on boundaries and taking responsibility for their own lives, they say, “That’s so self-centered. We should love one another and deny ourselves.” Or, they actually become selfish and self-centered. Or, they feel “guilty” when they do someone a favor. The Law of Responsibility includes loving others.“Love each other as I have loved you”

#2: The Law of Responsibility

These false motives and others keep us from setting boundaries: <ol><li>Fear of loss of love, or abandonment. </li><li>Fear of others’ anger.</li><li>Fear of loneliness. </li><li>Fear of losing the “good me” inside.</li><li>Guilt</li><li>Payback.</li><li>Approval</li><li> Overidentification with the other’s loss.</li></ol>Freedom first, service second. If you serve to get free of your fear, you are doomed to failure. Let God work on the fears, resolve them, and create some healthy boundaries to guard the freedom you were called to.

#5: The Law of Motivation

“You reap whatever you sow. If you sow to your own flesh, you will reap corruption from the flesh; but if you sow to the Spirit, you will reap eternal life from the Spirit” Sometimes, however, people don’t reap what they sow, because someone else steps in and reaps the consequences for them. If every time you overspent, your mother sent you money to cover check overdrafts or high credit-card balances, you wouldn’t reap the consequences of your spendthrift ways.You just need to stop interrupting the law of sowing and reaping in someone’s life.

#1: The Law of Sowing and Reaping

You need to evaluate the effects of setting boundaries and be responsible to the other person, but that does not mean you should avoid setting boundaries because someone responds with hurt or anger.We need to evaluate the pain our confrontation causes other people. We need to see how this hurt is helpful to others and sometimes the best thing that we can do for them and the relationship. We need to evaluate the pain in a positive light.

#6: The Law of Evaluation

Your envy should always be a sign to you that you are lacking something. At that moment, you should ask God to help you understand what you resent, why you do not have whatever you are envying, and whether you truly desire it. Ask him to show you what you need to do to get there, or to give up the desire.

#8: The Law of Envy

Boundaries are just like a 'property line in one's life'. Just like in real life you have a property and the property line. Whatever is inside the property line is your responsibility and you have control over those. If anything bad happens there then you will feel sorrow for that. Boundaries are imaginary lines which mean these are not physical border. So you can decide what to come inside and what to throw out.

What is Boundaries

"The most basic boundary-setting word is “no.” It lets others know that we exist apart from them and that we are in control of ourselves.”

<ol><li>Confession: You have the power to agree with the truth about your problems. </li><li>You have the power to submit your inability to God. </li><li>You have the power to search and ask God and others to reveal more and more about what is within your boundaries.</li><li>Repentance: You have the power to turn from the evil that you find within you. </li><li>You have the power to humble yourself and ask God and others to help you with your developmental injuries and leftover childhood needs.</li><li>You have the power to seek out those that you have injured and make amends.</li></ol>

#3: The Law of Power

This book will tell about how to set boundaries to our mental world.

Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances -- Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions -- Emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others -- Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator -- Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask: - Can I set limits and still be a loving person? - What are legitimate boundaries? - What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? - How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? - Aren't boundaries selfish? - Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries? Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offer biblically-based answers to these and other tough questions, showing us how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

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Books

Dr. Cloud has written or co-written twenty-five books, including the two million-seller Boundaries. His most recent books are Boundaries for Leaders and Necessary Endings. He has earned three Gold Medallion awards, and was awarded the distinguished Retailers Choice award for God Will Make A Way.As president of Cloud-Townsend Resources, Dr. Cloud has produced and conducted hundreds of public seminars around the country. He speaks on relationships—marriage, parenting, dating, personal growth, and spirituality. His seminars are often broadcast live to over two thousand venues at a time.

Henry Cloud

John Townsend is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. John Townsend has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. John Townsend's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Creating Boundaries

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