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An FBI Behaviour Expert Explains How to Quickly Build Trust With Anyone

First impressions

You’ll never get a second chance to make a great first impression with people you meet. So with the few minutes to spare to get someone on your side, make the most it. And always remember, the right attitude is everything. 

Make sure the other person walks away better for having met you.

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An FBI Behaviour Expert Explains How to Quickly Build Trust With Anyone

An FBI Behaviour Expert Explains How to Quickly Build Trust With Anyone

https://medium.com/personal-growth/an-fbi-behaviour-expert-explains-how-to-quickly-build-trust-with-anyone-94a05be01cea

medium.com

8

Key Ideas

Trust is a valuable currency

Without it, you can’t build better relationships with anyone.

No matter what you want to achieve in life, building trust from other people will be a big part of your success.

A simple truth about humans

We are all wired for connection, we care deeply about ourselves, we want to feel important, and we like and trust familiar things.

These ideas are the basic foundation for building rapport with just about anyone.

Avoiding discomfort

The first step in the process of developing great rapport and having great conversations is letting the other person know that there is an end in sight, and it is really close.

When you approach someone to start a conversation most people assess the situation for threat before anything else. Discomfort in any conversation with a stranger happens because there is no end in sight.

Look accommodating

The best nonverbal technique you can use to look more accommodating is to smile. You could even match the other person’s posture, speech, etc. because our subconscious naturally picks up on and likes familiarity.

Speak slowly

If you want to sound more credible, once you begin speaking, speak slowly.

People who speak fast are usually very excited about what they are talking about.  It could also mean you know your subject. Speaking slowly, however, gives you more credibility.

Just listen

Listening is the simplest way to validate others. You don’t need to tell your story; just encourage them to keep telling theirs. Make them feel important. 

For most of us, our natural reaction is to interrupt, but this means that we are never fully present when someone is talking.

Encourage others

A great conversationalist encourages others to talk about themselves, neglecting their own need to share their great stories.

Use the ‘RASA’ approach:  receive, appreciate, summarise and ask. Also, be curious and ask open-ended questions.

First impressions

You’ll never get a second chance to make a great first impression with people you meet. So with the few minutes to spare to get someone on your side, make the most it. And always remember, the right attitude is everything. 

Make sure the other person walks away better for having met you.

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Convey genuine appreciation

Actively project warmth and high energy. People like you when they feel liked by you.

To make it clear you’re interested in the other person, think about what they know that you don...

Listen with intent

Being a good listener is about two things: 

  1. Demonstrating that you’ve heard exactly what was said by the other person.
  2. Encouraging them to continue. This breaks down into what’s called “backchanneling” — offering short, enthusiastic responses as the other person talks (i.e. “yeah” “mm-hmm” “totally” “I can see that”), and asking follow up questions that reference the information you were just given.
Use humility markers

Acknowledging your own fallibility and human imperfection can go a long way toward making yourself relatable. Especially if there’s a power dynamic where someone is asking for your advice, attention or help, you want to put the other person at ease.

Taking the time to call or meet in person also expresses humility.

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Defining "Success"

“Success” isn’t just having lots of money. 

Success is continuously improving who you are, how you live, how you serve, and how you relate.

Lose an hour in the morning, and you will be all day hunting for it.

Lose an hour in the morning, and you will be all day hunting for it.
Putting "first things" first

Start the day with your #1 priority.

Getting up early isn’t enough. You need to put first things first. When you put your top priorities first, then you ensure they make it into the bucket of your day. After your main priorities have been completed, the rest will fill the gaps.

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Attachment style
It describes the way you relate to others based on how you perceive yourself and the people around you.
Anxious-Preoccupied
  • This could be you if you often feel like you give more to relationships than you get back.
  • You worry people don't value you.
  • You tend to exaggerate when you show people the value you place on them.
  • This anxiety might not be attractive to people that don't have the same attachment style.
Dismissive-Avoidant
  • This could be you if you put your independence above all.
  • You tend to think less of others.
  • You carefully guard your emotions and try at all costs to keep away from rejection.
  • You're more likely to connect with people who express the anxious-preoccupied type because they’re more likely to accept the power imbalance.

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