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What Happened When I Conquered Fear And Embraced Honesty With Women

How to miss the mark

A man who brags about his wealth or power misses being his own hero by a mile because inflating his own ego is the least manly or heroic act.

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What Happened When I Conquered Fear And Embraced Honesty With Women

What Happened When I Conquered Fear And Embraced Honesty With Women

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/be-your-own-hero-what-it-means-to-be-a-man_b_1846204

huffpost.com

5

Key Ideas

Heroism

A man can’t be anyone’s hero until he becomes his own hero first.

To become his own hero a man must be willing to plumb the depths and explore the aspects of his life that are most dear to him, his relationships with his wife, friends, children, and even coworkers.

When he’s accomplished this task, he is his own hero, and everyone else’s too. 

Becoming a hero

In mythological fables, a man had to slay a dragon or a giant before he could marry the princess.

Today, instead of slaying a dragon, he has to slay his flawed notion of manhood. He has to prove his inner-hero courage by becoming a fully empowered, authentic, emotionally open and honest man, first with himself, and ultimately with everyone.

Slaying the fear dragon

Men need to learn to be emotionally honest in relationships. When a man musters the courage to share his deepest truth, he creates a platform for his inner hero to develop.

A man who is his own hero doesn’t surrender to fear, and never allows fear to dictate his behavior. He stands up to his fear because he knows how to move beyond it. 

How to miss the mark

A man who brags about his wealth or power misses being his own hero by a mile because inflating his own ego is the least manly or heroic act.

Building character

To reveal your hero status, ask yourself:
  • Do I honor and respect my men friends, and keep their confidences?
  • Do I live in a manner that reflects my highest ideals?
  • Do I have the courage to be emotionally honest with women?
  • Do I love my children unconditionally and selflessly?
  • Do I respect and support my children’s choices?
  • Do I treat my employees or coworkers with a level of respect I want?
  • Do I volunteer in my community or reach out to help others?
  • Do I live in integrity with myself?

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True heroes

Heroes have the courage of their convictions. Heroes are all the people who take up their responsibilities and serve and encourage others.

  • A hero is the man who loses his job and identity, yet has the willpower to get back and start again until he makes it.
  • A hero is that single mother, widowed or divorced, who is driven by responsibility and who manages to go on, so she can provide a brighter future for her kids.
Changing our model of heroism

A hero is no longer a mythical classification or a few legendary men or women.

Being a hero becomes a way of life. It is not about the occasional heroic act, but about daily dignity.

Artificial divisions

We make artificial divisions everywhere.

Being human means there’s a wall-builder in each of us. Our minds naturally divide the world into me and not-me, us and them. 

Why we build walls

  • We evolved this way. For thousands of years, our ability to band together against a common enemy (weather, wild beasts, other tribes) was life-saving.
  • Knowing who we are makes us feel secure. With countless labels, we build up this creation we call our self. And it’s easy to ignore things we don’t like about ourselves and even easier to locate those qualities in others.
  • (False) certainty about others is reassuring. Putting labels on entire groups of people makes things much simpler.

The costs of walling ourselves off
  • Once we slap a label on others, we don’t bother to look more closely, and our fears grow.
  • We are actually less safe. Labeling entire groups of people as good guys or bad guys is dangerous, because we end up accidentally putting white hats on bad guys and black hats on good guys.
  • We waste precious resources. Trying to wall ourselves off from entire groups of people is exhausting and inefficient.

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Ideologues: people who pretend ...

Virtue ≠ Virtue Signaling

Jordan Peterson observed that virtues aim for balance and to avoid the extremes of the vices. Cultivating judgment about the difference between virtue and vice is the beginning of wisdom.

Modern relativism asserts judging how to live is impossible, because good and virtue are relative. Thus relativism’s version of “virtue” is “tolerance.” This leads to people broadcasting their tolerance as a form of self-promotion, and secret vice, which is also known as virtue signaling.

Order and Chaos

Order is where the people around you act according to the established social norms, remaining predictable and cooperative. Society is simultaneously structure and oppression.

Chaos is where the unexpected happens. 

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