By focusing on controllable factors such as our efforts and actions, and by detaching ourselves from uncontrollable outcomes such as acceptance and rejection, we can achieve greater success in the long run.

Detachment From Results

All rejections are shared by many people in the world. One can use rejection and suffering to obtain empathy and understanding of other people.
Repeated rejections can serve as the measuring stick for one’s resolve and belief. Some of the greatest triumphant stories come only after gut-wrenching rejections.
Sometimes the most brutal rejections in life signal a new beginning and mission for the rejectee.

Empathy And Value

When you are not afraid of rejection and it feels like you have nothing to lose, amazing things can happen.
Becoming a master of a craft requires not just great skills, but also the ability to weather rejections to get to an acceptance—not to mention an unfailing belief in yourself and your own work.
What you need is not acceptance from others but acceptance from yourself. Being comfortable with who you are is a prerequisite—not the result—of seeking others’ approval.

The Key Takeaways Of The Book

Rejection is human interaction with two sides. It often says more about the rejector than the rejectee, and should never be used as the universal truth and sole judgment of merit.
Every rejection has a number. If the rejectee goes through enough rejections, a no could turn into a yes.

Rejection Demystified

Freedom to Ask: We often deprive ourselves of the freedom to ask for what we want in fear of rejection and judgment. But amazing things often happen only after we take the first step.
Freedom to Accept Yourself: Our inner need for approval-seeking forces us to constantly look for acceptance from other people. Yet the people from whom we need acceptance the most is ourselves.

Freedom Matters

The way to get startup ideas is not to try to think of startup ideas. It’s to look for problems, preferably problems you have yourself

When I was confident, friendly, and open, people seemed more inclined to go along with my request; even if they said no, they at least stayed engaged longer.

Sustain the conversation after the initial rejection. The magic word is “why,” which can often reveal the underlying reason for the rejection and present the rejectee with the opportunity to overcome the issue.
By explaining the reason behind the request, one has a higher chance to be accepted.

The Why Question

Sometimes it is good to be rejected, especially if public opinion is heavily influenced by group and conventional thinking, and if the idea is radically creative.
By seeking rejection in tough environments, one can build up the mental toughness to take on greater goals.

Being Worthy

Starting the request with the word “I” can give the requestor more authentic control of the request. Never pretend to think in the other person’s interests without genuinely knowing them.

Say I

Be Direct: When giving a rejection, present the reason after the rejection. Avoid long and convoluted setup and reasoning.Offer Alternatives: By offering alternatives to get a yes, or even simple concessions, one can make the other person a fan even in rejection.Motivation: Rejection can be used as one of the strongest motivations to fuel someone’s fire for achievement. Self-Improvement: By taking the motion out of rejection, one can use it as an effective way to improve an idea or product.

Lessons Learned

Acknowledge Doubts: By admitting obvious and possible objections to your request before the other person, one can increase the trust level between the two parties.Target the Audience: By choosing a more receptive audience, one can enhance the chance of being accepted.Patience and Respect: Rejection is usually a hard message. Delivering the message with the right attitude can go a long way to soften the blow. Never belittle the rejectee.

Points To Keep In Mind

If a person who fears rejection were suddenly unafraid of it, what might she be capable of?”
People could react to the same request very differently.
Any rejection can have hidden upsides, if only we are willing to look for them.

The Big Ideas

<ul>
<li>Rejection seemed less like “the truth” and more like an opinion.</li>
<li>It’s as if becoming a master of a craft requires not just great skills, but also the ability to weather rejections to get to an acceptance—not to mention an unfailing belief in themselves and their own work.</li>
<li>The question we should ask about an idea is not ‘How do I avoid rejection?’ but ‘Is my idea worthy of rejection?'</li>
</ul>

Mastering Rejection

Retreat, Don’t Run: By not giving up after the initial rejection, and instead retreating to a lesser request, one has a much higher chance of landing a yes.
Collaborate, Don’t Contend: Never argue with the rejector. Instead, try to collaborate with the person to make the request happen.
Switch Up, Don’t Give Up: Before deciding to quit or not to quit, step back and make the request to a different person, in a different environment, or under a different circumstance.

Tips To Handle Rejection

Rejection can be good too. A motivating book on handling rejection.

Drawing on his "100 days of rejection" experiment during which he willfully sought rejection on a daily basis, the founder of the popular blog and video series of the same name, who came to the U.S. from China with the dream of being the next Bill Gates, shares the secret of successful asking, overcoming fear and daring to live more boldly.

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Personal Development

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Problem Solving

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An entertaining and inspiring account of conquering the fear of rejection, offering a completely new perspective on how to turn a no into a yes. Jia Jiang came to the United States with the dream of being the next Bill Gates. But despite early success in the corporate world, his first attempt to pursue his entrepreneurial dream ended in rejection. Jia was crushed, and spiraled into a period of deep self doubt. But he realized that his fear of rejection was a bigger obstacle than any single rejection would ever be, and he needed to find a way to cope with being told no without letting it destroy him. Thus was born his "100 days of rejection" experiment, during which he willfully sought rejection on a daily basis--from requesting a lesson in sales from a car salesman (no) to asking a flight attendant if he could make an announcement on the loud speaker (yes) to his famous request to get Krispy Kreme doughnuts in the shape of Olympic rings (yes, with a viral video to prove it). Jia learned that even the most preposterous wish may be granted if you ask in the right way, and shares the secret of successful asking, how to pick targets, and how to tell when an initial no can be converted into something positive. But more important, he learned techniques for steeling himself against rejection and ways to develop his own confidence--a plan that can't be derailed by a single setback. Filled with great stories and valuable insight, Rejection Proof is a fun and thoughtful examination of how to overcome fear and dare to live more boldly.

PAUL GRAHAM

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