Courtney Abbott's Key Ideas from Rejection Proof
by Jia Jiang

• Rejection seemed less like “the truth” and more like an opinion.
• It’s as if becoming a master of a craft requires not just great skills, but also the ability to weather rejections to get to an acceptance—not to mention an unfailing belief in themselves and their own work.
• The question we should ask about an idea is not ‘How do I avoid rejection?’ but ‘Is my idea worthy of rejection?'

Rejection is human interaction with two sides. It often says more about the rejector than the rejectee, and should never be used as the universal truth and sole judgment of merit.

Every rejection has a number. If the rejectee goes through enough rejections, a no could turn into a yes.

Sustain the conversation after the initial rejection. The magic word is “why,” which can often reveal the underlying reason for the rejection and present the rejectee with the opportunity to overcome the issue.

By explaining the reason behind the request, one has a higher chance to be accepted.

Retreat, Don’t Run: By not giving up after the initial rejection, and instead retreating to a lesser request, one has a much higher chance of landing a yes.

Collaborate, Don’t Contend: Never argue with the rejector. Instead, try to collaborate with the person to make the request happen.

Switch Up, Don’t Give Up: Before deciding to quit or not to quit, step back and make the request to a different person, in a different environment, or under a different circumstance.

Starting the request with the word “I” can give the requestor more authentic control of the request. Never pretend to think in the other person’s interests without genuinely knowing them.

Acknowledge Doubts: By admitting obvious and possible objections to your request before the other person, one can increase the trust level between the two parties.

Target the Audience: By choosing a more receptive audience, one can enhance the chance of being accepted.

Patience and Respect: Rejection is usually a hard message. Delivering the message with the right attitude can go a long way to soften the blow. Never belittle the rejectee.

Be Direct: When giving a rejection, present the reason after the rejection. Avoid long and convoluted setup and reasoning.

Offer Alternatives: By offering alternatives to get a yes, or even simple concessions, one can make the other person a fan even in rejection.

Motivation: Rejection can be used as one of the strongest motivations to fuel someone’s fire for achievement.

Self-Improvement: By taking the motion out of rejection, one can use it as an effective way to improve an idea or product.

Sometimes it is good to be rejected, especially if public opinion is heavily influenced by group and conventional thinking, and if the idea is radically creative.

By seeking rejection in tough environments, one can build up the mental toughness to take on greater goals.

Freedom to Ask: We often deprive ourselves of the freedom to ask for what we want in fear of rejection and judgment. But amazing things often happen only after we take the first step.

Freedom to Accept Yourself: Our inner need for approval-seeking forces us to constantly look for acceptance from other people. Yet the people from whom we need acceptance the most is ourselves.

By focusing on controllable factors such as our efforts and actions, and by detaching ourselves from uncontrollable outcomes such as acceptance and rejection, we can achieve greater success in the long run.

All rejections are shared by many people in the world. One can use rejection and suffering to obtain empathy and understanding of other people.

Repeated rejections can serve as the measuring stick for one’s resolve and belief. Some of the greatest triumphant stories come only after gut-wrenching rejections.

Sometimes the most brutal rejections in life signal a new beginning and mission for the rejectee.