You will make mistakes; NASA didn’t make it to where it is by playing it safeRocket science is not low riskNot being able to carry worries is a big leadership weaknessIf a leader can’t handle worries, it will make the whole organization behave in a way that hides potential risks

The Risk Of Making Big Decisions

<ul><li>Some video games are designed to frustrate you and you have to adapt by learning new rules and interfaces</li><li>You get better at learning new things; dealing with frustrating systems and adapting</li><li>The result is that you get better and you build confidence in your ability to get better</li><li>Every game does this to some extent, it’s not just about escapism or pastime</li><li>Any game that’s designed to be challenging is going to benefit keeping the brain healthy and active</li></ul>

Video Games Are Good For Learning

More individualism, more loneliness, more neoliberalism, more loneliness.

Procrastination is the inability to deal with emotional discomfort.

There is probably nothing more lonely than being in a bad relationship or a bad marriage.

Does technology make us feel lonely or do we use technology because we feel lonely?In a landmark study conducted by researchers at Stanford University, a total of 3000 participants were observed (1500 were in the control group and the other 1500 deactivated their Facebook accounts)<ul><li>The group who went off Facebook for two months were significantly less lonely and happier </li><li>They actually spent more time doing things in person with friends and family</li></ul>Other subsequent studies only supported this. Social media makes people feel more lonely.

The Perils of Loneliness

There is a stigma in admitting you are lonely because the market for popularity has never been more visible<ul><li>You scroll on your feed, and everyone looks like they have more friends than you, have more fun, and are more popular</li><li>There is something shameful about feeling like no one wants to be your friend</li><li>Positive outcome about the covid experience – we are talking much more about loneliness</li></ul>The truth is everyone is lonely: old, young, rich, poor, male, female, etc.The more individualistic the society is, the lonelier it’s likely to be (neo-liberal capitalist mindset)

The Shame On Admitting Being Lonely

People have always been distracted, it’s not something that came with the iPhone or Facebook. The leading cause of distraction are internal triggers: boredom, uncertainty, fatigue, anxiety<ul><li>Craving, desire, wanting, lusting, etc., these sensations are psychologically destabilizing.</li><li>The brain gets us to act by creating discomfort.</li><li>The goal is to deal with the discomfort in a healthy way that moves us forward</li><li>Do not run away from discomfort, harness it to lead you towards traction (the opposite of distraction)</li></ul>

Emotional Discomfort And Distraction

We need to give ourselves permission to enter rethinking cycles.

<ul><li>Loneliness is not only about wanting to feel connected with friends and family, it is also about wanting to feel connected with your government, your employer</li><li>The more individualistic the society is, the lonelier it’s likely to be (neo-liberal capitalist mindset)</li><li>Identity is not about what you believe, it’s about what you value (generosity, excellence, integrity, freedom, etc.)</li><li>When you have a belief, you have two options: fall victim to an overconfidence cycle or subject it to a rethinking cycle</li></ul>

Video: Key Takeaways

When you are looked at as your potential, you feel the need and desire to grow into that potential.Naturally, some people will let us down, but there is more value in believing in people than forfeiting because of a small percentage.<ul><li>Smiling at random people on the street: 95% of people will smile back, but 5% that will not respond or even frown</li><li>We forfeit because of that 5%</li><li>5% of trying something only ten times feels like a heavy tax, but 5% of smiling a thousand times in the grand scheme of things makes it worthwhile</li></ul>

The Positive Intent: Power Of The Possible

<ul><li>Kat worked as a waitress at Hooters. Every Friday, a customer would order 50 chicken wings for him and his friends.</li><li>After eating the entire plate, he would complain that 10 chicken wings were missing and ask for a discount.</li><li>Because it happened every time, it was obvious that it was a scheme.</li><li>Instead of fighting with the customers (as some managers and servers did), Kat would bring them 10 more chicken wings on her employee discount before they finished eating</li><li>Everyone laughed because she beat the scheming customer at his own game</li><li>He never complained again and gave her a big tip</li></ul>

The Chicken Wings At Hooters Story

<ul><li>A great relationship is one where if you ask each person independently who benefits more from the relationship, they would each say “Well, I do.”</li><li>This is because both people are putting into the relationship not for what they’re going to get from it, but for what they can give to it</li><li>Because both sides are focused on giving, each side feels like a beneficiary</li><li>The only way to have a really great life is on the relationship side</li><li>In the end, it’s all about relationships and doing things you love with people you love</li></ul>

Defining A Great Relationship

<ul><li>21 hours a week is the tipping point where gaming can get in the way of physical or mental health</li><li>Video games before bed can help if you are struggling with negative thoughts or flashbacks</li><li>Playing a game before bed will hijack the attention and visual center (Tetris is the golden game in clinical trials for studying these kinds of effects)</li><li>All human behaviour is induced by the desire to escape discomfort; everything we do, we do for this reason</li><li>The first step to becoming indistractable is to claim the responsibility for the uncomfortable sensations by mastering the internal triggers</li></ul>

Video Games

What makes an effective coach?<ul><li>Being prepared and having a game plan</li><li>Ready to deviate if the game plan is not working</li><li>Having the ability to connect with the team and communicate with each member (including the staff)</li><li>There is that fine balance of sticking with what you said you were gonna do and changing it when it’s not working</li><li>The coach can only say the right things to get the right response, the rest is on the players</li></ul>

An Effective Coach

What sets the championship teams apart?<ul><li>The ethos of the team and the organization</li><li>The day to day work and knowing that you need to win</li><li>The attitude of embracing tough situations</li><li>Every team goes through a moment where they want to quit</li><li>The biggest difference is in not quitting and doing your job</li></ul>There can be no cracks between players, coaches, and owners or the media gets in and works their magicIt is a focused effort from everyone involved with the organization

Traits Of A Championship Team

Why are people hesitant to rethink things?<ul><li>It makes the world feel much more unpredictable</li><li>If my views aren’t fixed, “who am I?”</li><li>How do “I” navigate this really confusing and turbulent world?</li><li>It makes us feel like we are not the experts</li><li>And a lot of us take pride in our knowledge</li></ul>

Rethinking Ideas

Everyone has been creative at least once in their life.What does it mean to be creative more than once?<ul><li>Extending yourself with empathy to the person you are seeking to serve</li><li>Extending via space and time, into the future, announcing something that might or might not work</li></ul>If you exert the emotional labour to do those two things, sometimes you will have a successful creative outcome (that is a choice).

Being More Creative

The rethinking cycle starts with intellectual humility, knowing what you don’t know despite your expertise in a given topicBeing aware of your ignorance leads you to doubt your convictionsIt makes you curious about what you don’t know and that opens your mind to new discoveries“I’m entitled to my opinion” is not a good way to end a conversationIf you decide to speak out, you have a responsibility to be open to changing your mind in the face of better logic or stronger data.

The Rethinking Cycle

<ul><li>Your situation is not always fixed or set</li><li>People have agency over their behaviour. You can change your situation intentionally.</li><li>You can use different mental strategies (self-talk, how you frame things, etc.), but you can also change your actual situation; e.g. when you study, put your phone in another room, or choose a quiet place to study</li><li>You cannot change that you are born into a certain family, but you can always change how you react to it</li><li>It’s not 100%, but you have some control over your reaction</li><li>People develop confidence when they have struggled to overcome hardships and come out victorious</li></ul>

Changing Your Situation

The Knowledge Project closes 2021 with a look back at some of the best conversations of the year. Featuring interviews from 10 of the most downloaded and acclaimed episodes of 2021, this collection of conversations offers a variety of insights into how to make crucial decisions, how to spark creativity, the best ways to avoid distraction, how to deal with loneliness, what traits to look for in a leader, the value of re-thinking your position, and the importance of personal relationships. Guests on this episode include business leader Kat Cole, NBA basketball player Chris Bosh, loneliness expert Noreena Hertz, organizational psychologist Adam Grant, NASA astrophysicist Thomas Zurbuchen, video game expert Jane McGonigal, author Nir Eyal, author and entrepreneur Seth Godin, psychologist Angela Duckworth, and business expert Jim Collins. 00:00 Intro 01:26 - Kat Cole on pragmatic optimism 06:49 - Chris Bosh on the subjective factors that set championship teams apart 16:10 - Noreena Hertz on the difference between feeling alone and being alone 26:48 - Adam Grant on the work required to have an opinion 36:52 - Dr. Z on how NASA makes decisions and why he wants you to be worried 48:36 - Jane McGonigal on what video games can teach you 57:58 - Nir Eyal on dealing with emotional discomfort and controlling how we respond 01:13:43 - Seth Godin on choosing to be creative 01:23:55 - Angela Duckworth on taking back your self-control 01:35:40 - Jim Collins on relationships not transactions Kat Cole's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zidYmxutH3w Chris Bosh's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNF2OEX9_Ls Noreena Hertz's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Acm4EOsSpsg Adam Grant's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctkWiO6VcsE Dr. Z's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WC7OWgLynhY Jane McGonigal's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25KJf8XWAgM Nir Eyal's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wW9Ouw4dCo Seth Godin's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIHx2H5YT60 Angela Duckworth's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPMVzsAmJ8E Jim Collins full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Dot-Uf1dkE -- Want even more? Members get early access, hand-edited transcripts, member-only episodes, and so much more. Learn more here: https://fs.blog/membership/ Every Sunday our Brain Food newsletter shares timeless insights and ideas that you can use at work and home. Add it to your inbox: https://fs.blog/newsletter/ Follow Shane on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/ShaneAParrish

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

videos

Videos

The Knowledge Project closes 2021 with a look back at some of the best conversations of the year.

Featuring interviews from 10 of the most downloaded and acclaimed episodes of 2021, this collection of conversations offers a variety of insights into how to make crucial decisions, how to spark creativity, the best ways to avoid distraction, how to deal with loneliness, what traits to look for in a leader, the value of re-thinking your position, and the importance of personal relationships.

Guests on this episode include business leader Kat Cole, NBA basketball player Chris Bosh, loneliness expert Noreena Hertz, organizational psychologist Adam Grant, NASA astrophysicist Thomas Zurbuchen, video game expert Jane McGonigal, author Nir Eyal, author and entrepreneur Seth Godin, psychologist Angela Duckworth, and business expert Jim Collins.

00:00 Intro
01:26 - Kat Cole on pragmatic optimism
06:49 - Chris Bosh on the subjective factors that set championship teams apart
16:10 - Noreena Hertz on the difference between feeling alone and being alone
26:48 - Adam Grant on the work required to have an opinion
36:52 - Dr. Z on how NASA makes decisions and why he wants you to be worried
48:36 - Jane McGonigal on what video games can teach you
57:58 - Nir Eyal on dealing with emotional discomfort and controlling how we respond
01:13:43 - Seth Godin on choosing to be creative
01:23:55 - Angela Duckworth on taking back your self-control
01:35:40 - Jim Collins on relationships not transactions

Kat Cole's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zidYmxutH3w

Chris Bosh's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNF2OEX9_Ls

Noreena Hertz's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Acm4EOsSpsg

Adam Grant's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctkWiO6VcsE

Dr. Z's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WC7OWgLynhY

Jane McGonigal's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25KJf8XWAgM

Nir Eyal's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wW9Ouw4dCo

Seth Godin's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIHx2H5YT60

Angela Duckworth's full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPMVzsAmJ8E

Jim Collins full episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Dot-Uf1dkE

--
Want even more? Members get early access, hand-edited transcripts, member-only episodes, and so much more. Learn more here: https://fs.blog/membership/

Every Sunday our Brain Food newsletter shares timeless insights and ideas that you can use at work and home. Add it to your inbox: https://fs.blog/newsletter/

Follow Shane on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/ShaneAParrish

Subscribe for a collection of conversations about decision-making, thinking better, and living well.


An Effective Coach

Similar ideas to An Effective Coach

How to be happier at work