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7 Tips to Create Healthy Boundaries with Others

Separate yourself from others

Understand that your boundaries are different from others.

You can learn to be emotionally attached to others while remaining psychologically and intellectually detached. This kind of space allows for personal expression while minimizing emotional and psychological entanglement.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

7 Tips to Create Healthy Boundaries with Others

7 Tips to Create Healthy Boundaries with Others

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/201511/7-tips-create-healthy-boundaries-others

psychologytoday.com

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Key Ideas

Verbal violations

  • Not allowing you to speak or be heard.
  • Yelling at you.
  • Saying things that are derogatory about your integrity and character.
  • Gossiping about you.

Psychological/emotional boundary violations

  • Preying upon your sense of self and self-esteem
  • Using what you’ve told them in confidence against you
  • Lying to you
  • Criticizing you
  • Manipulating you
  • Mocking you
  • Making demands of your time
  • Bullying you
  • Lording a superior attitude over you

Physical violations

  • Moving into your personal space
  • Touching you without permission
  • Being inappropriate or too familiar towards you
  • Violating your privacy
  • Damaging or destroying your personal property
  • Threatening you with physical harm

Know thyself

Get to know yourself as best you can. Become familiar and comfortable with your own beliefs, emotions, feelings, and ideas.

Take responsibility for yourself

Develop the capacity to know what needs to be done for yourself.

By setting your own boundaries, you are setting your limits about who can come into your space and what you expect of others once they’re there.

Develop a healthy respect for yourself

When you respect yourself, you should expect that others will treat you with respect. If they don’t, that’s a clear sign not to engage.

Heed the warning signs

Stay away from anyone who thinks nothing of invading your space for their own end.

Don’t try to fix people

It’s a waste of your time and energy to try to fix other people because they’re not interested in becoming any other way than they are.

You are in charge of your choices

You don’t need to feel that you owe anyone anything more than you want to give with your free and conscious heart.

If anyone invades your boundaries, be ready to walk away without fear or guilt.

Separate yourself from others

Understand that your boundaries are different from others.

You can learn to be emotionally attached to others while remaining psychologically and intellectually detached. This kind of space allows for personal expression while minimizing emotional and psychological entanglement.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

NO boundaries = little self-esteem

The first step to change is admitting this.

Your boundaries are your values. Boundaries are representative of how much or little you respect yourself. 

Choose your core values

You must make your boundaries about you.

Once you get clear about what matters most to you, then you can take the bigger step of communicating that to the others.

You can't change others

You are not responsible for what they say, their reactions or for the daily choices they make.

Since you can't change other people, change how you deal with them. They may be motivated to change if their old ways no longer work.

3 more ideas

Learning to set healthy personal boundaries
  • Know that you have a right to personal boundaries.
  • Recognize that other people's needs and feelings are not more important than your own.
  • Learn to say no.
  • I...
Defining Boundaries

The word “boundary” can leave the impression of separation.

But boundaries are actually connecting points since they provide healthy rules for navigating relationships, intimate or profess...

The benefits of boundaries
  • Boundaries improve our relationships and self-esteem. They protect relationships from becoming unsafe.
  • Boundaries can be flexible. It’s good to think about them occasionally and reassess them.
  • Boundaries allow us to conserve our emotional energy. Without them, self-esteem and identity can be affected, and you can build resentment toward others.
  • Boundaries give us space to grow and be vulnerable. 
Determine your borders

Our boundaries are shaped by

  • our heritage or culture
  • the region we live in or come from
  • whether we’re introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between
  • our life experiences
  • our family dynamics
Boundaries are a deeply personal choice and vary from person to person. You can investigate and define your boundaries with self-reflection.

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Name your limits

You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where your limits are.

Identify what you can permit and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.

Tune into your feelings

There are two key feelings that are red flags that you are letting go of your boundaries.

  • Discomfort. Ask yourself what is causing the discomfort.
  • Resentment. Resentment usually comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.
Be direct

With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue.

There are other times you might need to be frank, such as with those who have a different personality or cultural background.

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Personal Space
Personal Space

Most of us have a certain distance that we like others to keep from others, depending on who the other person is. This is probably skewed now in 2020 when we are told to keep a safe distance from e...

From Person To Person

Personal space varies from one person to another, with many factors in play like how well we know the person, the relationship and trust, along with your culture.

People living in small towns and wide-open spaces prefer a bigger personal space, while new yorkers are probably used to having people in their bubble most of the time.

The Factors Determining Personal Space

The factors that determine a comfortable personal space: the gender of the two people, the professional or personal relationship, nature of the relationship (friendly or romantic), one’s customs and culture.

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You Have A Boundary Issue If…
  • you feel like people take advantage of you or use your emotions for their own gain.
  • you feel like you’re constantly having to “save” people close to you and fix their problems all the ...
Personal Boundaries

Having healthy personal boundaries means taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions, while NOT blaming others.

People with high self-esteem have strong personal boundaries. And practicing strong personal boundaries is one way to build self-esteem.

Poor Boundaries 

People who blame others for their own emotions and actions do so because they believe that if they constantly paint themselves as a victim, eventually someone will come to save them.

People who take the blame for other people’s emotions and actions are always looking to save someone.

Predictably, these two types of people are drawn strongly to one another, yet completely fail to meet each other's true need to feel loved. The real solution would be for both to take responsibility for their own problems.

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Name your feelings

Emotions like overwhelm, anger, and frustration may indicate that others are intruding on your personal time or space.

Instead of pushing the feelings away, try understanding them. It ...

Prepare your well-being disclaimer

Start conversations about boundaries with a disclaimer to set the stage for a compassionate, permissive discussion.

Share your resolution to set boundaries. Explain why it’s important to you and how you believe it will benefit you.

When others set boundaries

People who have trouble setting boundaries usually have trouble responding to boundaries set by others.

Instead of feeling dismissed, angry, or rejected when friends or lovers put limits on your interactions, respond with “I value your honesty” or “I appreciate you sharing that with me”—even if the boundary was difficult to hear.

6 more ideas

Don’t try to fix the difficult person

Accept them exactly as they are. 

Accept that they are unable to change, at least at this point in time. Unless you see real change — proof that this person is making an effort&nb...

Be present and direct

Try to avoid getting into a fight-or-flight response, which inevitably leads to becoming defensive

  • Be direct and assertive when you express yourself. 
  • Stay focused on how you respond. 
  • Know when the discussion or argument has accelerated to the point of no return. If it gets to this point, stop the interaction, and leave the conversation.
Encourage difficult people to express themselves

Let them fully state their point of view about the issue/conflict/problem without interruption. What do they feel people misunderstand about them? What do they want or expect from others? 

The idea is to remain as neutral as possible. Just listening may be enough to allow someone to feel like they have the opportunity to say what’s on their mind. 

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Seek to understand

People tend to disagree when they don't understand each other. That does not mean you have to agree, just that you're open to hearing them out.

When you come to an understanding t...

Look beyond your own triggers

Whatever may have happened in your past, you have to find a way to get past your triggers and see that you're in a new situation with a person who doesn't mean you harm. What's triggered is usually fear and awareness of one's limitations.

Look for similarities, not differences

Look for common ground. When you concentrate on differences the space grows wider, but when you seek out what you have in common it helps bridge the gap.

4 more ideas

Defining group norms
Defining group norms

Group norms are the set of informal and formal ground rules that specify how people interact. The rules help members of the group determine how to behave. Advantages of clear g...

Intentionally create group norms

Every team has rules, but few are intentionally crafted. This could have a negative impact. For example:

  • In a team of two, it's easy to create short back-and-forth emails. As more team members join, it becomes more complex keeping everyone in the loop. Emails may include reply-alls about weekend plans and real-time decision-making, leading to unread emails and lost information.
  • A single individual dictates the rules for the group. He may inadvertently communicate late at night that can affect an entire company.
How to create healthy group norms

Setting up norms is easiest when the team is first created. It may take a special meeting at the start, but it saves time and diminish problems down the road.

Shifting group norms in an established team is possible, too. Cultivate positive behavioral expectations on high-functioning teams.

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