Thinking like an older person

• If I worry, I'll never have a bad surprise.
• It's safer if I worry. We believe that the act of worrying itself somehow lowers the likelihood of a dreaded outcome. 
• I show I care by worrying. We need to distinguish between caring about a situation and worrying needlessly and fruitlessly about it. 
• Worrying motivates me. We need to differentiate between unproductive worry and productive concern and problem solving.
• Worrying helps me solve problems. Extreme worry is more likely to interfere with problem-solving. 

• Calm the nervous system with guided muscle relaxation, meditation, and exercise. 
• Notice when you're worrying and any beliefs that reinforce worry.  Awareness of the process gives us more choice in how we respond.
• Embrace uncertainty. Most of the things we care about in life involve uncertainty. It takes considerable practice to begin to embrace it.
• Live in the present. Practice focusing your attention on the present in everyday activities like taking a shower, walking, or talking with a friend, as well as in more formal practices like meditation or yoga.
• When we face our fears head-on, they tend to diminish. Deliberately accept what you're afraid of: "It's possible I'll miss my flight." 

When we hide our pain and isolate ourselves, we throw away the most powerful antidepressant: loving support from people who care about us.

You don’t need coping strategies when you’re sad discouraged, or helpless. You need people. You need support. You need someone to give you a hug and listen carefully to your story.

Most of us hesitate to push back and stand up for ourselves because we’re afraid of being perceived as aggressive or rude. And so we default to being passive.

But there’s a middle road between being passive and aggressive: You can be assertive. It means standing up for your own wants, needs, and values, in an honest and respectful way.