The shallow bonds of positivity

Seeking out people who draw out the positive side only can make you feel alone in your moments of vulnerability.

The relationship becomes a performance of happiness and creates a wedge between you.

Valentina Y. (@val_yy28) - Profile Photo

@val_yy28

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Communication

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A relentless focus on positivity is ineffective

When someone is going through a hard time, insisting they stay strong is ineffective.

Research suggests positivity often has the opposite effect: It makes them feel bad about feeling bad on top of the original problem. It also increases the risk of depressive symptoms later on.

Be aware of how your friends react to your sunny attitude. If it makes them perk up, you are doing good.

However, if your encouragement makes them withdraw, your positivity might be misplaced.

Even if you are well intentioned, it's best to consider this question: Are they asking for encouragement or do they just need to vent?

Often, they just need someone to listen to them without reaching a solution.

A question as simple as "How did you feel?" can help them feel that you share in their experience.

Empathize with them instead of offering positive cliche's. For instance, say "That sounds rough. Tell me what happened," instead of "You'll get past it."

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RELATED IDEAS

Audit your time
  • Look at your peers. Is this who you plan to become? 
  • Look at your Facebook feed.
  • Look at the blogs you read. Are they helpful or click-baitey?
  • Look at the games you play and how much time they suck out of your life.
  • Look at the pointless arguments you get into.

These influences are acting on you, consciously and otherwise. 

5

IDEAS

John T. Reed, a real estate investor, looked into the accuracy of Kiyosaki's best-selling book and found it inaccurate:

  • The Rich Dad is most likely an invention. It's unlikely for an entrepreneur to succeed in construction, restaurants, and convenience stores. Authors history also doesn't match up.
  • Previously Kiyosaki named at least 2 other people as "the best teacher I ever had", making the same claim about the "Rich Dad" sound false.
Greater Focus

Be in the Now, realizing that the only available and real moment is the present moment is the best way to live. Apart from the Now, the rest is just unrealized fiction and bad memories no one cares about.

To increase one’s focus on the now, we have to let go of distractions and options that hinder our thinking and create doubt and uncertainty in us.

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