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The Cure for Toxic Positivity

https://forge.medium.com/the-cure-for-toxic-positivity-155278b7daaa

forge.medium.com

The Cure for Toxic Positivity
W hen my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer at age 52, I was flooded with emails, calls, and in-person pep talks from friends and acquaintances. Anyone who'd ever met me, it seemed, was eager to offer up a platitude. "Think positive," they told me. "It will be okay.

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A relentless focus on positivity is ineffective

A relentless focus on positivity is ineffective

When someone is going through a hard time, insisting they stay strong is ineffective.

Research suggests positivity often has the opposite effect: It makes them feel bad about feeling bad on top of the original problem. It also increases the risk of depressive symptoms later on.

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The shallow bonds of positivity

Seeking out people who draw out the positive side only can make you feel alone in your moments of vulnerability.

The relationship becomes a performance of happiness and creates a wedge between you.

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The signs of misplaced positivity

Be aware of how your friends react to your sunny attitude. If it makes them perk up, you are doing good.

However, if your encouragement makes them withdraw, your positivity might be misplaced.

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Don't just assume someone needs encouragement

Even if you are well intentioned, it's best to consider this question: Are they asking for encouragement or do they just need to vent?

Often, they just need someone to listen to them without reaching a solution.

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Ask questions to develop your interlocutor's story

A question as simple as "How did you feel?" can help them feel that you share in their experience.

Empathize with them instead of offering positive cliche's. For instance, say "That sounds rough. Tell me what happened," instead of "You'll get past it."

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Audit your time

  • Look at your peers. Is this who you plan to become? 
  • Look at your Facebook feed.
  • Look at the blogs you read. Are they helpful or click...

The influence of entourage

Who we know and what we do influence what we'll become: What we do puts us around people. And the people we surround ourselves with help set the baseline for what we think is ok, what we think is possible and what we’re exposed to.

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Jim Rohn

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. "

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"Rich Dad, Poor Dad" is Fiction

John T. Reed, a real estate investor, looked into the accuracy of Kiyosaki's best-selling book and found it inaccurate:

  • The Rich Dad is most likely an invention. ...

"Rich Dad, Poor Dad" contains dangerous advice

According to John T. Reed the famous book is filled with bad advice:

Dangerous advice

  • "If you're gonna go broke, go broke big"
  • Convinces people that college is for suckers

Law-breaking advice

  • Advocates committing a felony: have rich friends for trading stock based on non-public inside information, he says "That's what friends are for."
  • Recommends tax fraud by deducting vacations and health club dues
  • Brags about using a partner weasel clause in which his cat is his partner

Kiyosaki is making money from a personality cult

Many critics pointed out that Kiyosaki is selling a cult, not financial advice.

He is accused of tapping into the fantasies of the masses & being short on specifics, both attributes of religious cults.

How we react to stress

Stress is largely caused not by other people or external events, but by your reactions to them.

Pressure is not stress

But pressure could be converted into stress, when rumination appears: the tendency to keep rethinking past or future events while attaching negative emotion to those thoughts.

Rumination is ongoing and destructive, diminishing your health, productivity, and well-being.

Wake up

Stand or sit up, clap your hands, and move your body. Connect with your senses by noticing what you can hear, see, smell, taste, and feel. The idea is to reconnect with the world.

Most of the rumination happens when you are in a state called “waking sleep": when you are doing things, but you aren't really paying attention to them.