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How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”
Dale Carnegie
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Key Ideas
Handling People
- Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. People learn faster and retain knowledge more effectively when rewarded for good behavior than punished for bad behavior.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation. The only way to get a person to do anything is by giving them what they want.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want. The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
Appreciation and flattery
- Flattery is selfish and insincere. It’s cheap praise. You tell the other person precisely what he thinks about himself.
- Appreciation is unselfish and sincere. It happens when we stop thinking about ourselves and begin to think of the other person’s good points.
Henry Ford
“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”
Make People Like You
- Become interested in other people. We are interested in others when they are interested in us.
- Smile. A smile says, "I like you."
- Always remember people's names.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
- Make the other person feel important, in an honest way.
Memorize names
- If you don’t hear the name distinctly, ask the person to repeat it
- For unusual names, ask for the spelling
- Repeat the name several times during the conversation
- Associate the name with the person’s features, expression, and general appearance
- Write it down later so you can visualize the name as well
Win People to Your Way of Thinking
- Avoid arguments.
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions.
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly.
- To win someone to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.
- Let the other people talk themselves out and try to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- Dramatize your ideas. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
A brief, no fluff, summary of Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People. Techniques in Handling People Don't criticize, condemn or complain. Give honest and sincere appreciation. Arouse in the other person an eager want. Six ways to make people like you Become genuinely interested in other people.
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Key Ideas
Techniques in Handling People
6 ways to make people like you
- Become sincerely interested in other people.
- Smile.
- Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
- Make the other person feel important.
Win people to your way of thinking
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Never say, “You’re wrong.” Respect the other person’s opinions.
- If you are wrong, admit it.
- Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- Try to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler motives.
- Dramatize your ideas.
- Throw down a challenge.
4 more ideas
Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People is the classic on getting along well with others. But is there any real science behind it, or is it just advice that "sounds good"? In the past I've broken down old sayings and career advice, let's see if Carnegie holds up to scrutiny.
7
Key Ideas
Dale Carnegie’s advice to make people like you
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Smile.
- Remember names.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the ot...
Actively showing interest in other people
When people speak, the best responses are both active and constructive: engaged, enthusiastic, curious and has supportive nonverbal action. Ask questions. Be excited. Ask for details. Smile. Touch. Laugh.
It's a powerful technique - it makes you more liked and people more receptive to your requests.
Smiling does make you more attractive
And by smiling we influence others to smile. People judge things more positively while smiling, so our own smile can set off a chain reaction causing more positive encounters.
4 more ideas
Listening is the unsung hero of communication. We love to praise great orators and recite lines from famous speeches, and rightly so. Words are powerful. But listening can be equally so.If you improve your listening skills, you'll probably never win an award for it or make it into...
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Key Ideas
Listening requires mental work
We mistake listening as easy because it looks passive and instinctive, but in reality it’s hard work. Really listening (and not just appearing to listen) re...
Mistakes we make in conversations
Our general tendency is to:
- Evaluate: We judge what someone is saying and agree or disagree.
- Probe: We ask questions from our own frame of reference.
- Advise: We give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
- Interpret: We analyze others' motives and behaviors based on our own experiences.
What makes a great listener
- Asking great questions;
- Playing attention to the nonverbal communication;
- Forgoing taking detailed notes to pay better attention;
- Listening with the intent to understand, not the intent to respond;
- Making people feel heard;
- Following up on what matters.