Abstract expectations - Deepstash

deepstash

Beta

deepstash

Beta

You Don't Know What You Want

Abstract expectations

They are the opposite of the real and actual here-and-now. The problem with them is that when we fail to reach the future we had pictured in our heads, we face feelings of disappointment, inadequacy, and anger.

And then we start to look for help from others on how to asses our lives (mostly from self-help gurus and writers).

102 SAVES


EXPLORE MORE AROUND THESE TOPICS:

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

The paradox of curiosity
The paradox of curiosity

Curiosity doesn’t seem to be tied to any specific reward.

It makes sense for organisms to seek food, water, sex, shelter, rest, wealth, or any of the other myriad nour...

Curiosity and evolution

From an evolutionary perspective, there’s good reason to keep looking, to be curious. Information helps us make better choices and adapt to a changing environment.

Curiosity as a probability algorithm

Scientists who study the mechanics of curiosity are finding that it is, at its core, a kind of probability algorithm—our brain’s continuous calculation of which path or action is likely to gain us the most knowledge in the least amount of time. Like the links on a Wikipedia page, curiosity builds upon itself, every question leading to the next. And as with a journey down the Wikipedia wormhole, where you start dictates where you might end up.

Curiosity is less about what you don’t know than about what you already do.

The savior complex
The savior complex

It is defined by the constant need to try and save people by solving their problems. You have this syndrome, if:

  • you feel attracted by vulnerable individuals
  • ...
The "savior

Trying to save the others might prove an extremely exhausting goal for the savior. Among the negative effects that this savior syndrome can have:

  • having a burnout 
  • breaking the relationship with the person you are trying to save
  • once you realize you cannot actual save anybody else but you, a feeling of frustration might emerge.
Fighting the savior syndrome

In order to overcome the savior complex:

  • practice active listening rather than active helping
  • talk to the person in need in order to find common ground rather than putting in place your own solution
  • remember that you are in control only of your own life
  • make sure your need to help the others doesn't come from an unsolved personal problem.
Worrying about what others think
We all worry, in our own ways, about how we’re being perceived.

The fact that we’re being judged matters much more than whether those judgments seem fair or well-informed. We also don’t tend...

Being "fairly" judged

It’s impossible to be fairly judged. Nobody will ever understand you perfectly. You will continually be both underestimated and overestimated.

Your own assessment of yourself is hardly the “right” one. We tend to either obsess over our faults or overlook them completely.  And with strangers, there’s no hope of anything approaching a fair assessment. They have zero context for what they see in you. 

How we judge strangers

Become aware of your own judgments. You’ll discover that they’re almost always categorical (good person or bad person), that they’re provoked by a single behavior, and that you rarely second-guess these judgments.

Notice what it feels like to judge a person, how absolute and uncomplicated it seems, then remember that you’re seeing this person through the keyhole of a single moment in their lives.