We find rejection upsetting - Deepstash

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The only way to achieve anything is to become comfortable with rejection. Here's how | Linda Blair

We find rejection upsetting

Even though rejection is seldom life-threatening, we always find it upsetting because of our interdependence. The more we value the approval and opinion of the person who's judging us, the more upset we'll be if they reject us.

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The only way to achieve anything is to become comfortable with rejection. Here's how | Linda Blair

The only way to achieve anything is to become comfortable with rejection. Here's how | Linda Blair

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/28/rejection-helps-jk-rowling-james-dyson-success

theguardian.com

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Key Ideas

We need to take chances

We do not like to take a chance and put in a great effort, only to be rejected. Yet, if you don't take up the opportunity for fear of rejection, you will never realise your dream.

Rejection is more the norm than the exception for authors. JK Rowling, James Joyce, George Orwell and John le Carré all suffered many rejections.

Make rejection work for you

Instead of trying to avoid rejection, you can make rejection work for you. 

Be prepared to be rejected. Do not take a rejection personally. Rejection is part of the process. Instead of focussing on yourself, try and find out what is lacking. Be determined to improve.

As long as you have a dream, keep going. The result will be that you will create something even better.

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Rejection

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Keep the odds in mind
Know ahead of time what the chances are of a particular effort for being successful. 

If the odds are long, that is not a reason for not trying; it is a reason not to be discouraged by failure.

For instance, sending in a resume in response to an advertised job has been studied. Approximately two percent receive a response. That is not an argument for giving up. It is a matter of the odds. Sending in a couple of hundred resumes shifts the odds in your favor. 

Keep more than one iron in the fire

Having a manuscript rejected by one publishing house is less devastating if that book is being considered at the same time somewhere else.

An unsuccessful job interview does not feel so bad if another one is scheduled for tomorrow.

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Many times the rejection does 50 percent of the damage and we do the other 50 percent of the damage. 

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Rejection hurts

Humans are social animals -- which makes rejection all the more emotionally painful.

Anything that keeps us out of the group in an overt way, we're going to have a hard time with. It's an important aspect of who we are.

Identifying the hardest-hit

People whose self-esteem is lower will experience rejection as more painful, and it'll take them a little longer to get over it. Those who have higher self-esteem -- but who aren't narcissists -- tend to be more resilient.

Rejection-sensitive people might think about 'How can I get myself out of this situation?' or how to avoid a situation altogether.

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Self-created struggles

See life as it is, without all the ideals and fantasies you’ve been preoccupied with.

The vast majority of our struggles are self-created, and we can choose to overcome them in an instant.

Fearing judgment from others
We fear the judgments of others, even though their judgments about us are rarely valid or significant.

Tying your self-worth to everyone else’s opinions gives you a flawed sense of reality because people judge us based on a pool of influences in their own lives that have absolutely nothing to do with us.

Past experiences
In many ways, our past experiences have conditioned us to believe that we are less capable than we are.

We need to learn from the past, but also to be ready to update what we learned based on how our circumstances have changed.

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