The only way to achieve anything is to become comfortable with rejection. Here's how | Linda Blair - Deepstash

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The only way to achieve anything is to become comfortable with rejection. Here's how | Linda Blair

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/28/rejection-helps-jk-rowling-james-dyson-success

theguardian.com

The only way to achieve anything is to become comfortable with rejection. Here's how | Linda Blair
There's a poster on the wall of the gym I use, a place frequented by many aspiring British athletes. It says simply: "You lose 100% of the chances you don't take." No one likes to be rejected, to take a chance, to put in huge effort only to be rebuffed.

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We need to take chances

We do not like to take a chance and put in a great effort, only to be rejected. Yet, if you don't take up the opportunity for fear of rejection, you will never realise your dream.

Rejection is more the norm than the exception for authors. JK Rowling, James Joyce, George Orwell and John le Carré all suffered many rejections.

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We find rejection upsetting

Even though rejection is seldom life-threatening, we always find it upsetting because of our interdependence. The more we value the approval and opinion of the person who's judging us, the more upset we'll be if they reject us.

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Make rejection work for you

Instead of trying to avoid rejection, you can make rejection work for you. 

Be prepared to be rejected. Do not take a rejection personally. Rejection is part of the process. Instead of focussing on yourself, try and find out what is lacking. Be determined to improve.

As long as you have a dream, keep going. The result will be that you will create something even better.

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Rejection

Rejection and failure and disappointment are a regular feature of ordinary life, no matter how successful someone may be. 

Any set of circumstances in which one reaches out for so...

Keep the odds in mind

Know ahead of time what the chances are of a particular effort for being successful. 

If the odds are long, that is not a reason for not trying; it is a reason not to be discouraged by failure.

For instance, sending in a resume in response to an advertised job has been studied. Approximately two percent receive a response. That is not an argument for giving up. It is a matter of the odds. Sending in a couple of hundred resumes shifts the odds in your favor. 

Keep more than one iron in the fire

Having a manuscript rejected by one publishing house is less devastating if that book is being considered at the same time somewhere else.

An unsuccessful job interview does not feel so bad if another one is scheduled for tomorrow.

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When you feel rejected

At first, rejection interferes with your need to belong. You move through, not feeling good enough, not worthy, unlovable, confused.

Then you move to introspection, looking for the flaws with...

It’s not about you

Instead of gaining control, you subject yourself to the opinion of someone else. It turns you against yourself and away from the truth.

You were not rejected; the outcome you desired was. Be honest about the motives. You might be wanting the wrong thing.

The pain is optional

Rejection means that you are going down the wrong path. You need to turn around.

Life is about learning and growing, and understanding that something better is waiting for you. You don't have to embrace the pain of rejection.

Self-created struggles

See life as it is, without all the ideals and fantasies you’ve been preoccupied with.

The vast majority of our struggles are self-created, and we can choose to overcome them in an instant.

Fearing judgment from others

We fear the judgments of others, even though their judgments about us are rarely valid or significant.

Tying your self-worth to everyone else’s opinions gives you a flawed sense of reality because people judge us based on a pool of influences in their own lives that have absolutely nothing to do with us.

Past experiences

In many ways, our past experiences have conditioned us to believe that we are less capable than we are.

We need to learn from the past, but also to be ready to update what we learned based on how our circumstances have changed.