deepstash
Beta
5 Reasons We Play the Blame Game
Rising Above Blame
The more often you play the blame game, the more you lose. Learning to tell when you need to own up to your role in a bad situation will help you grow from your experiences, and ultimately help you achieve more fulfilling relationships.
101 SAVES
This is a professional note extracted from an online article.
Read more efficiently
Save what inspires you
Remember anything
IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:
5
Key Ideas
Types Of People Who Blame
- People who can always find something else to blame.
- People who blame themselves for everything, even when they’ve had nothing to do with an unfortunate outcome.
- People who blame fate or a higher power, especially when there’s no one else who could conceivably have caused the outcome.
- People who excuse themselves for the same negative behavior that they blame others for doing.
Why People Blame Themselves
This isn’t just false modesty or fishing for reassurance; some people do believe that they cause every bad thing all or most of the time.
Blaming yourself when something goes wrong might, relates to a general tendency to make internal attributions for failure in which you see yourself as inept, foolish, or irresponsible. That tendency might motivate you to attribute your successes to external factors, such as fate, chance or luck, as well.
Blame And Consequence
Theoretically, anyone who intentionally practices an immoral act is culpable regardless of the consequences. But in most cases, people sign up for what is called “moral luck”.
Moral luck is the belief that you should hold someone to blame only if the action causes harm to others, not for their intent, and according to it, those whose actions bring harm are more culpable.
Reasons We Play The Blame Game
- Blame is a good defense mechanism and protects your self-esteem by avoiding awareness of your own failings.
- Blame is a tool of attack that can hurt others and a destructive conflict resolution method.
- We’re bad at analyzing people's behavior, or even our own. The attributions we make get distorted by our illogical judgments and our lack of ability to judge correctly.
- Taking responsibility is harder than blaming others.
- It’s easy to blame someone else even though you know you’re at fault, especially knowing it would be hard for them to prove otherwise.
Rising Above Blame
The more often you play the blame game, the more you lose. Learning to tell when you need to own up to your role in a bad situation will help you grow from your experiences, and ultimately help you achieve more fulfilling relationships.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
3
Key Ideas
Moral Luck
We judge ourselves and others morally for things that didn't come out as intended, were unforeseen, or were influenced by factors beyond one's control.
The judgment we should rece...
Feeling Morally Responsible
Some people do their parenting in difficult circumstances, and nothing that is done by them as parents is fully under their control.
The good and bad traits that parents possess can find their way in the child, with them having no say as to what the child will eventually become or do.
The Inner Paradox
Due to so many factors at play, parents are relying on good luck, pulling off a gamble on the child that is being raised. They don't have much leverage on the outcome, the net result of the actions of their offspring.
There is an inner paradox, a duality that exists in the minds of parents, which can make them accept and also reject the responsibility they have towards their kids' actions.
4
Key Ideas
Forms of manipulation
We are continually subject to manipulation. For instance:
- Gaslighting: It involves encouraging someone to doubt their own judgment and to rely on the manipulator's advice ins...
Manipulation
Manipulation is wrong because it involves immoral techniques. It means treating the other as mere objects and not as a rational being.
When influence is manipulative
Influence is manipulative depending on how it is being used.
If the manipulator attempts to get someone to adopt what the manipulator himself regards as wrong, it resembles lying. The liar tries to get you to choose a false belief or to make a mistake in what he thinks, feels, doubts or pays attention to.
one more idea
5
Key Ideas
You are broke because of you
You are broke because your financial decisions were not the best, in the past.
This not about winning the lottery or landing in a high-paying job. Just by changing your behavior, this situati...
How to fix your money problems
Your financial issues are fixable if you:
- Take your money seriously
- Stop unnecessary consumerism
- Stop making and defending your bad decisions.
The broke leading the broke
A majority of people are broke, actually. We are not taking our money seriously, and just living paycheck to paycheck. We are doing it because there are so many like us, around us, doing the same.
2 more ideas
6
Key Ideas
The Deathbed Fallacy
People on their deathbeds regret not spending more time with their family, traveling more, worrying less, etc.
We change over time as we grow and mature. The fallacy is t...
Not a representative state
The 'deathbed' is not a representative state of life. What you desire when you are there might not have much in common with the most meaningful or satisfactory life you could have led.
- The deathbed-you has no future, only present and memories.
- People on their deathbeds think they know their past selves well, but they probably don't.
- They are locked in a time, place and life situation that might be different from yours.
Your past selves
You don’t know your past selves. The older you get, the more you think you understand yourself as a younger person. You have probably forgotten how you were influenced then and might still have the same values.
For instance, you might think that a priority as a child was to fit it. But, if really looking at your diary, you discover that you valued independence back then the same you do now.
3 more ideas
2
Key Ideas
Narcissists are often pathological liars
Narcissists lack empathy, so telling the truth does not matter to them. They may not even realize they are lying most of the time, because they are not aware of it.
Don't ma...
Compulsive liars are not necessarily bad people
Compulsive liars are often too careless to tell the truth. They don't take the time to think things through.
Although it is really hard to break this habit, they need to learn to control their urge to lie.
3
Key Ideas
First dates and first impressions
The first time we meet somebody is actually the time we make an impression of them, impression which usually tends to last until our very last interaction with that person.
Well, first dat...
The functions of dating
Research has identified seven functions of dating among which the below:
- Recreation
- Socialization
- Increasing status
- Sexual experimentation
- Companionship
- Courtship
- Intimacy.
The reasons for dating
Research has highlighted that there are different reasons people date, reasons which can be split into two main categories: first-date goals and partner-focused.
It is quite important to know why the other chose to date you, as you might end up discovering that you two do not share a viewpoint on this topic.
4
Key Ideas
Excuse-making
It's a defense mechanism you use in the battle between your positive self-identity and the common challenges of everyday life.
This habit comes down to an inherent need to protect your...
The self-serving bias
It encourages you to claim your successes and to deflect your failures.
When something good happens, you take the credit, but when something bad happens, you blame it on something out of your control.
Common types of excuses
- Lies: This is one of the worst types of excuses—a straight-up lie.
- Self-handicapping excuses: Such as “I don’t have the skills to do that”, or “That’s not my job.”
- Blame-shifting excuses: Instead of putting the blame on your lack of abilities, you accuse external factors for your missteps or lack of performance.
one more idea
6
Key Ideas
You're Responsible For The Outcome
When you play tennis, you're really competing with yourself. You're perpetually trying to improve: to hit shots faster, improve placement, surprise your opponent, make your footwork more efficient ...
You Must Be Hyperaware Of Yourself
Becoming a great tennis player is similar to being an excellent professional, you're constantly analyzing your weaknesses and strengths, and adjusting your game.
You can sabotage yourself by getting frustrated or being defeatist. Learning how to precisely manage yourself, and to stay calm and to dig deep in high pressure, high stakes situations can turn the tide of a match and a career.
You'll Fail Often
Great tennis players are unfazed by failure in the moment, they wait until the match is over to let emotions set in.
Getting accustomed to failure and learning how to handle it well is what success is built upon.
3 more ideas
5
Key Ideas
Beginner's Luck
Beginner's luck does not actually exist. Most of the time the beginner has a similar skill that aids them.
Or the novice could be new to the task, but have tried it before and failed r...
Anything Is Possible For The Beginner
To the beginner, anything Is possible. They are not blocked by experience and are willing to try out many possibilities and solve problems creatively.
The expert has narrowed down the possibilities and can become too comfortable with their own perspectives.
Experts Break Under Pressure
When you are good at something, you're under pressure to perform at your level.
A novice doesn't particularly care how they perform and doesn't feel any pressure to perform.
2 more ideas
7
Key Ideas
The 2 kinds of distractions
- Sensory distractions (External): The things happening around us, like colleagues talking, phones ringing, people moving around us, music playing, etc.
- Emotional distractions (Internal): The thoughts that make our attention drift from what we’re doing. For example, remembering a phone call you need to make or thinking about a future meeting.
Daniel Goleman
“It’s not the chatter of people around us that is the most powerful distractor, but rather the chatter of our own minds.”
4 more ideas