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5 Reasons We Play the Blame Game

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201509/5-reasons-we-play-the-blame-game

psychologytoday.com

5 Reasons We Play the Blame Game
When something goes wrong in your life, is your first reaction to blame someone else? If so, you're engaging in the very common behavior of the blame game. Unfortunately, there are no winners in this game, so knowing the 5 reasons for why you do this will benefit your relationships.

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Types Of People Who Blame

  • People who can always find something else to blame.
  • People who blame themselves for everything, even when they’ve had nothing to do with an unfortunate outcome.
  • People who blame fate or a higher power, especially when there’s no one else who could conceivably have caused the outcome.
  • People who excuse themselves for the same negative behavior that they blame others for doing.

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Why People Blame Themselves

This isn’t just false modesty or fishing for reassurance; some people do believe that they cause every bad thing all or most of the time.

Blaming yourself when something goes wrong might, relates to a general tendency to make internal attributions for failure in which you see yourself as inept, foolish, or irresponsible. That tendency might motivate you to attribute your successes to external factors, such as fate, chance or luck, as well. 

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Blame And Consequence

Theoretically, anyone who intentionally practices an immoral act is culpable regardless of the consequences. But in most cases, people sign up for what is called “moral luck”.

Moral luck is the belief that you should hold someone to blame only if the action causes harm to others, not for their intent, and according to it, those whose actions bring harm are more culpable.

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Reasons We Play The Blame Game

  • Blame is a good defense mechanism and protects your self-esteem by avoiding awareness of your own failings.
  • Blame is a tool of attack that can hurt others and a destructive conflict resolution method.
  • We’re bad at analyzing people's behavior, or even our own. The attributions we make get distorted by our illogical judgments and our lack of ability to judge correctly.
  • Taking responsibility is harder than blaming others. 
  • It’s easy to blame someone else even though you know you’re at fault, especially knowing it would be hard for them to prove otherwise.

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Rising Above Blame

The more often you play the blame game, the more you lose. Learning to tell when you need to own up to your role in a bad situation will help you grow from your experiences, and ultimately help you achieve more fulfilling relationships.

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The benefit in blame is that it allows us to avoid feeling like we’re failing ourselves, that we lack the strength and maturity to come to terms with the reality of unfairness or bad luck.

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We can feel safe in pretending that our distress is not evidence of inadequacy in ourselves, but of one in someone else.

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